In late 2018, my cousin told me "I wish everyone stayed here for a while, it's all going too fast". He said that because it had been quite a while since all of us were in the same city, within a 15-minute drive of meeting each other. With Covid, it changed entirely. All but one of the cousin group was at home for more than half a year, and yes, the "but one" was Yours truly. Now, 30 months from that day, the same cousin texted me asking when I'm coming home. He asks me this almost every month, despite knowing that my reply was always "No idea". Now, all but two of us are home - like me, a fellow cousin is stuck in Chennai for his job. As we think more and more about our career and attempt to plot a wealthy and happy retirement, we will all invariably continue to move further and further away from home. "There's no sense to any of this, what's the point of earning a few bucks if we are suffering away from home?", another cousin asks me every other week. There's just no ready answer to that, is there? One can only hope that it all works out for the best a few years down the line.
Do I enjoy being away from home? Absolutely not. But there are a few things I wish to do before I decide to move back home once and for all. For me, I'm afraid that day is still a bit far away. I like to believe there are a few hundred highway miles left on my road before I cut in to the city and pull over by the gates of my home. I'm not as happy away as I am at home, OBVIOUSLY! But I'm also not unhappy, I'm reasonably content. There are moments at work when I feel fulfilled with things I do. No whole picture is ever perfect, but there are some perfect little details that drown the other imperfections, and we believe it's still beautiful, right? That's how I see my situation - a life I chose that has its share of "Aaaahhh" as well as "Arrggghhh!" moments. Isn't that all life is?
In that piece from 3 years ago, I said I wanted my childhood to smack me in my face everytime I went home. It's been 3 years, and I can safely say it hasn't really been that way (probably because we aren't really children anymore). But what has is the feeling of being home - an indescribable, limitless, unbound warmth engulfs me whenever I go home, and I guess that's enough. Because frankly, if that isn't, I don't know what can possibly be.
There's one little thing though - no matter how well you know that your stay at home won't last beyond a few days, it doesn't ever spare you from that sinking feeling on departure day. No matter how prepared you think you are, you will still feel annoyed and sad and angry and frustrated, altogether. Almost all things in life get easier over time, but there are two things that don't - losing someone you love and leaving home for another place that you desperately try to make a bit like home. So everytime i leave home, I hate it.
A man once sung, "Life is what happens while you're busy making your excuses". I grew up with that in my head, trying to ensure I didn't let life pass me by when I was busy making my excuses. But now and then, I ask myself if my life is what I'm living right now, or the one I'm putting off until I get somewhere in my career. Is this thing away from home my life or my excuse? I don't know, but it is pretty good, so I let that question remain unanswered. Because in my eyes, that in itself is life.
#Life #Home #Career #Job #FarFromHome #Excuse #CorporateNomad
