At age of 29 I read my first book (apart from my school books), astonished? I still am.

I was never a reader. Chamomile is my cup of tea but reading isn’t. I enjoyed watching TV, adoring myself and daydreaming. In my teens, my world used to revolve around boys primarily and worrying about getting passing grades. It was never about understanding a subject or enjoying a piece of literature. Education was only about getting good grades and getting promoted.

College was no better. I have always been an average student but somehow got lucky and ended up working for one of the healthcare giants. But nothing changed. 

I was still the same mentally, but a little older now. I was confused all the time and found it difficult to explain myself. While I was busy eating my emotions, reluctant about my skinny jeans, I ended up gaining a few pounds right on my waist. Between finding true love of my life, attending hysterectomy and taking 3 minutes depression test with instant results, I was getting paranoid.

I was moving slower than a sloth. I was never comfortable in my own skin nor was I able to fake confidence. I was living in denial. My mental stubbornness was a major reason for my mental breakdown.

Honestly, I was not looking for any drastic or dramatic change. All I wanted was someone who can motivate me, help me grow. While looking for Master Shifu I ended up meeting few classic personalities, who shaped my life and pushed me down. 

I have always waited for the chime of a new notification on my phone other than COVID-19 outbreak & ICICI-fraud alerts; and this made me wonder, even after knowing so many people and having a bunch of good friends, I don't get any notifications on my phone. Not a single one. They never call or text until they direly needed something. 

The desperation to run away from myself, hide my ugly personality… introduced me to the world of adult chatroom sites, where I can be the golden girl. I got addicted 

The longing for the prodigious change was turning me into a depressed soul. I was the victim of my minuscule thoughts, which were quaffing away my soul and energy.

I hated myself.

So did my life turnaround ? 
Did the book help ?
Did cacophony of my jarred thoughts turned into euphony ?