Whole my life I had no one. Like not even single person who cared who would put me first not even my own family or the people who call them my friends. Then I met this person who in no time was the person I wanted. He cared, he loved. He was my person. Me going through any crisis and I think of him and I'm like I got him I'll get through I just need to talk to him. That's it. He was my one and only genuine person I could go to. Unfortunately I could not be his. I guess he got tired of my complaining, my lack of patience. In no time he just sympathized with me not love me. I guess when you carry so much baggage of your own you nobody wants you. People only want you until they haven't seen your demons.I lost my one and only person. He could not be my person and neither could I be his. 

You do loose hope when that one person who gave you hope who made you feel loved or cared leaves you. Then just like that you are shattered. The one person holding you together leaves and you break. Nothing feels good or worth. You just want everything to go back the way it was. You blame yourself for sharing your demons, your emotions because that what makes you the person you are and to people that is negativity and toxicity. First they sympathise then they are like this person is this way only all negative and toxic. The ones who promised to never leave you they leave you all broken and shattered and now it is so difficult to hold on to yourself. To hold yourself together from getting thrown of the edge. You can't even imagine your life without them and now you have to anyhow live it without them. The thought of him looking at someone the way he did to me. The thought of him loving someone the way I wanted him to love me. It breaks you more and you still can't stop thinking. All I can think of is him. Day or night in every thought it's him. I know I have to move on and let go but it is so painful. I try not to think of him but everything makes me think of him. I wish I could make him stay. I wish I wasn't that easy to leave and move on from. I wish I mattered.