I doubt I would trust you if you said you had never made the mistake of spreading rumours about someone. Speaking about other individuals might bring together two people who have no other things in common because it is natural to do so. It may occasionally even cause you to experience what can only be called "a high."
Until I lost my childhood best friends to it, I always believed it to be innocuous.
When I was about 10 years old, I made friends with two girls from my town tiruvannamalai upbringing. They are Lakshmi and Hema, for short.
We really purchased a pair of trousers that we would each wear while writing on them and compared ourselves to the sisters in the sisterhood of the travelling trousers. They were nearly always present in my childhood recollections since we got together almost every weekend.
Either the three of us would spend time together, or we would spend time alone. Like many groups of three, it got off to a good start. When Hema and I were together, Lakshmi and I would discuss Hema's apparent preference for her swimming buddies over us and Lakshmi's propensity for boys.
As the years passed, there were no major incidents or drama because we kept everything quiet. The information I gave Hema on Lakshmi, Hema passed along to Julie, and vice versa. Every aspect of each other's lives—relationships, careers, beliefs—were subject to judgement.
We were both needy and codependent. Because I didn't know how my life would function without them, I always worried that something would happen to our friendship.
The fissures eventually become visible. We began to disconnect from one another. We began socialising with other folks. After a few months, Lakshmi and Hema decided I would be the one to discontinue in their lives, so they cancelled our connection by text.
To be completely honest, I don't even recall why we argued. I was expelled from the friend group by my parents when they got divorced for reasons I really can't even remember. I distinctly recall sensing them turning against me. They needed a vacation from me, they said, and I remember hearing that.
Years from now, I will be able to look back and take ownership of my contribution. In the end, we were all at fault. As guilty as they were, so was I. No one else except us was ultimately responsible for our friendship's demise.
These days, social media has made us all buddies. I enjoy Hema's posts, and occasionally I'll see my name in an old picture.
But now, I'm a totally different person. I'm not sure what I would say if I ran across them. I dare say that would be worse than running into an ex because I adored both of them and losing them was one of the most terrible experiences of my life.
I might have continued to chatter if I hadn't learned this difficult lesson. I could have persisted in being toxic and unwilling to take accountability.
To the best of my ability, I took care not to gossip. Even while I still make mistakes occasionally, as we all do, I am always asking myself why anyone would ever trust me if I were to discuss them with someone else.
In addition to helping me make fantastic, lifetime friendships that are more healthier than the first ones, this has also made people realise that I am a reliable and devoted friend.
