hey everyone! Writing this piece just randomly. Please bear with me!

I wish you would understand how difficult it is to just sit here and wait for you, to make plans only to see you prioritize everything else over spending time with me. Each day is a new excuse which always ends in the same way, you begging me to understand that you really want to spend time with me, but just somehow end up not being able to make it.

And I really do not understand it, I mean it was not always like this. We weren't always like this. We used to crave each others company. We used to wait outside the classrooms and mess halls just to run into one another, we used to text each other constantly asking when the other would arrive, we used to make time for each other. Just want to know where did I lose you in all this? 

I do not ever remember us not being open with each other but recently it just seems like you are pulling away, far away from me, but then suddenly you are also completely there and it is just like it used to be and I am so lost.

All these mixed signals have made me confused and I am such a mess. I do not understand it, I do not like it.

But I still want you, like I have always wanted you, even when I have no idea if you want me or not. Sometimes I wish you would just leave or ask me to leave if that is what you want, but not knowing is only making it worse for me.

This uncertainty - it is almost like you are hoping that I walk away instead, and just thinking about that makes me hate you, because if that is what you really want then why would not you just say it instead of creating this emotional hell for me to go through. Why are you hurting me like this, why are you breaking me like this? You also know I don't deserve it. So why are you doing this to me. Why won't you just tell me? Please just tell me, I want to know. Hoping to get an answer soon.

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Thank you everyone for bearing with me. Keep supporting. See you soon in the next blog. Have a nice day ahead!