You are confused. One moment, you are happy and the next, you are suddenly not. It is like a gust of sadness swims through your heart and all you feel is an ache, an ache that you don't know of, an ache that you didn't know existed. Some days are still okay. You do not feel as miserable and actually manage to smile without too much effort. Those are the days that you wish to last forever.

There is sadness in you. It comes, stays longer than necessary and one day, it leaves. You know that it is still there, somewhere, camouflaging itself until the dark cloud surrounds your home. And it finally makes an appearance again. But until then, you see sunflowers in your backyard and the bottle of alcohol untouched. For a little there, you stop and let yourself feel what your mother describes as happiness, her warm hugs and sweet kisses.

But where did you go wrong? What did you do to deserve this? The Paracetamol sitting on your side table doesn't work anymore. The throbbing in the head only seems to increase as the days pass by and winter arrives. It was raining just yesterday and you didn't even get the chance to take out your father's old cassette and play his favorite song. Melancholy dances around his smile. And threatens to make a home inside his heart. You do not know if you can help him anymore.

No, you are not a monster. It is not a crime . it is normal to say no. You do not have to feel guilty. They will find another way. They are stronger than you think. It is okay to choose yourself sometimes. It is important to prioritise yourself. Do not overthink it. Do not let negativity plague your mind again. You are not a bad person. It is okay to not know all the answers. Go, band-aid that cut. It is deep but you are going to heal.

You make your own way. Sometimes, what works for others may not work for you. You are different. Your coping mechanism might be different from theirs and it is completely normal. Even if the pain in your heart matches with the beautiful smile in their eyes, it doesn't mean that it is the same. It will never be.

Love yourself. Your eyes may not be the most beautiful pair in the room but your heart can be. It doesn't matter if you fit or do not l, you are not meant to be. You are meant to be free, wild and unapologetically yourself. Let it ache sometimes, the love will always stay. All you have to do is look at yourself and be grateful. You are all you need and you are all that. A number of failures, heartbreak, lonely nights and desperate mornings await you ahead but with those, will also come endless love, happiness and sunshine because you, absolutely beautiful and gorgeous human, deserve all of it because you are worth it.