We all have heard the phrase “this is the way i am." Is this our new defense mechanism or we really are the way we claim. So basically person saying this phrase is telling you to  either deal with whatever is bothering you or leave because i am not going to change. My question is when do we know that person is way they are claiming or its a bluff means they just don't wanna put an effort into anything?

Something like that happened to me and i am not really sure that whether or not to accept it. Because when you love someone that boundary becomes blurry where your intuition tells you what is right and when to run the other way. Those flaws that we embraced so flawlessly that we claim that it is part of our personality, so how do we know that it is our personality trait or just a bad habit. 

Let me you an example you probably heard this one they say if you keep telling a man to love you certain way over and over again that probably means you are not the one they wanna change for even though your relationship was 1 years or 11 years. So in this example that man didn't wanna change himself for you so he will say the phrase this is the way i am why are you trying to change him. And of course it's not gender specific it goes both ways.  

We are all guilty of this at some point, either we used this phrase on someone else or they have used it on you. It's difficult to leave in such such situation because we feel like the guilty person who is trying to change them. But we all know this is a manipulation tactic.

So does that mean this phrase really have no value, how do we find the middle ground either accepting too little or walking away from the situation completely. I need that guide in my life that tell me what to do in these circumstances

But this phrase is misused in these terms sometimes a person really is the way they are, In that situation i think you make a choice you tell yourself whether to stay or leave. In the end it all comes back to how much you wanna stay because at the end of the day those boundaries are drawn by you and you alone. And being honest with yourself is as important as being honest to other person.

Learn to love yourself enough then love someone else .