Are you feeling happy right? now I think you have successfully and finally snatched the last thing also. You did not know but still without doing anything you have seized it. My favorite person my first real best friend. I hate it why everyone is head over heels for a person who is beautiful and fair. Every person I have met always had a connection with you some are head over heels over you some had crus on you while some are your best friend or friend

I don't know what the feeling is it is jealousy yes it is don't know why I had so many insecurities I fear everything I had social anxieties no one talks to me even my cousins but they always enjoy themselves with you. I don't know what you had that I did not have. I opened up to that person who understands me my best friend but he also likes you. He is head over heels for you. I do support him I can't back off and I can't tell my insecurities to her. I am still afraid of what will he think if I tell him I am jealous  I know she has no ill intentions but I can't help but get insecure over myself over thousand things I can't help it. I know my best friend had no problem with me being her friend and she being her crush I  support her. But I know deep within me I can't help it.

Everyone wants to talk to you yo always gt saved for anything you do but when I do a little anything wrong everything bad happens. I sometimes don't even know myself

I hate myself but now I am on the road to loving myself no one is worthy of my love or maybe it can be the other way around.  am too grateful to BTS they are helping me heal. I am walking slowly maybe not walking crawling slowly towards the road of loving myself. As BTS itself say if you can't run-walk if you can walk crawl but just try to move a bit it will be difficult but in the end, it will be worth it 

Now I think God will make a really beautiful partner forme in the future he can help m with my insecurities maybe I can save all of my love for that special person who my god will choose for me. For now, i will be taking support of BTS and will walk on the path of loving myself