I was born in Mumbai and brought up in Delhi. I was the only child of my parents. They had me after lot of medical interventions. Dad was in late forties and mom in mid thirties so yes the wait was too long for them. It sounds like the beginning of a foundation of a pampered child isn't it? Yes I was loved but also beaten up for smallest of things. My mom used to stay stressed because my dadi had made her life hell. So her stress and anger would get directed towards me heavily. It left a huge mark in my mind and heart. Getting scolded and getting beaten up publically(sometimes) took a toll on my confidence which was already anyway lacking. I have always wondered what a 5  year old shy girl would have done to take such massive beatings. I can never forget it. I craved for a hug. I craved for attention minus the torture. It left me extremely bitter. With age I started hiding too many things for my parents. My relationship with my dad was fine but with mom I struggled way too much. Her idea of love was a mystery.

I wanted someone to take me away from there. I was tired of the everyday struggle and the toxic environment I was growing up in. 

This lead me to believe and hope for a fairytale. I drowned myself in sentimental movies and characters. I wanted love so badly. I wanted someone to express their undying love for me. I wanted to be heard and wanted. I was turning into a day dreamer. 

All this led me to become a filmy person looking desperately for genuine love. I was a good looking girl so getting attention was easy but I wanted more than that. True genuine love is never easy to find right? You tend to meet all the wrong people and it leaves you more vulnerable than ever. You can't share your feelings with your parents. Siblings you already don't have. No friends either because you are shy, scared and lack social skills and it keeps getting worse. 

You even wish to runaway from it all but you have nobody to run away with. I saw the movie 'Dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge' thousand times but Raj was nowhere to be found. I kept searching for him and getting hurt. The search had become the goal of my life. I searched for my life in every romantic movie. I knew my expectations were high but need for an emotional support was higher. I strongly felt someone somewhere was waiting for me.. so was I!

The only solace was marriage. And I was considering it for all the wrong reasons… 'aage kuaan peeche khaayi' . Where to go??