Hey folks!
Long time no see. The last time I posted something was me completing two years of using Candlemonk and that it was going to be my last one. But here I am. The reason why I took so long like almost a month wasn't my fault entirely. Because whenever I think of writing something and login to Candlemonk, there shows a server error that lasts for more than a day or two, and therefore the activity level goes down and the other times, I was caught up with work and all.
Candlemonk was supposed to be my reliable platform where I could share some thoughts and feelings that occur in my day-to-day lives and not necessarily a diary entry. I hope the technical error gets fixed and that I could write more blogs. So without any further adieu, let's begin.
The last time I logged in with the intention of writing was about my birthday but I couldn't because of the technical error and now here I am, intending to share some thoughts about it. I have written two blogposts about my birthday in the last two years telling how it went and what I did. But not this time because there isn't anything new I did apart from having fun. Probably my first birthday in a different city, in a different country altogether and it went well.
Since my seventeenth birthday, I always pray and wish for it to be a normal satisfactory day because I was going through a very low phase around that time and I wished to be spared at least on my birthday. I didn't expect the day to be celebratory and all, but just normal and satisfactory, if not, at least it shouldn't be disappointing because no one wanted to feel disappointed on their birthday. So that is what I wished for. Also, I didn't have that many friends at that time so there was no scope for celebrations. However, I cut the cake with my family and buy take-out meals which I was pretty satisfied.
When I moved to college, there was a big group because it was the first year and mine was the first birthday to be celebrated and I got lucky to be surrounded by quite some people at that time. Towards the second year, it got lesser and that might have upset me a little and that isn't because of the group parting ways or something but there weren't much people around and also the birthday fell on a weekend and I tried to enjoy it on my own after the class but the plans kind of failed as my phone ran out of charge and I met one of my friends which made me feel better about myself and my birthday. He made me realise that my birthday was my own and that I shouldn't rely on others to make it special. Of course, our friends' gang then brought in a cake and cards on a Monday and that went well I would say. The groups that we had initially split and formed their own groups within the classes leaving only six or seven of us. And those people who embraced me with a birthday wish in my first year in college didn't even bother to wish me.
I think that is when I stopped relying on others to make my birthday special. Well, I don't stop anyone from trying to do something for it; like my family but it's been really long since I celebrated my birthday with them and that is fine, because that's life.
It was during my twenty-second birthday that I took the matter into my own hands. I went out and had a blast on my own. Didn't expect anyone to join me (because it was a working day) but I had a good time. Yes, my roommate then surprised me with a cake and I treated him after his work and we had a blast. That was the best birthday in the previous decade; the most satisfactory I would say.
And then the pandemic hit the world putting us in lockdown for two years even though it did open in between with the restrictions and all. My two birthdays were in those lockdowns so I couldn't go out obviously like I did on my 22nd birthday. The only difference between those two birthdays in lockdown was the first one had people around and the second one was all alone. I had a choice to go to my hometown during the second wave lockdown but I chose to stay back and that was also another normal satisfactory where I engaged myself with work at home to avoid overthinking and not getting disappointed on my birthdays. And the surprise was my family sent me a birthday cake and my day was made then even if it was very quite and low-key and all by my myself. I was satisfied in a way.
My last year birthday was definitely the best because that was when I did my first ever solo trip which was crazy and something I never thought I would do but then I did and I had a blast. If you want to read about it, it's a blogpost called ‘Solo Trip: Final Part.’ That was a vacation much needed amid all the stressful process of applying for universities and all but it went well thankfully.
And now for this birthday because there was work and all, I only booked a ticket to London to spend a whole day till evening but had no clue about what to do and where to go. Also, the week was very hectic at work and I was feeling kind of sick which worried me about the trip and the relaxation I badly wanted. Fortunately, I was fine at that time and I did have a good time, even if I had to travel around three hours to just relax and walk around and not necessarily do any activities (which would have happened if I planned but maybe in my next one.)
My parents told that maybe my uncle would plan something on my birthday like that. I was certain that a whole day wouldn't be wasted just for my birthday and it could only be for an evening. But I didn't even want to expect anything and get disappointed. Which is why I returned home at night but it wasn't dark and because it was the weekend, there was no worry of going for work the next day and all. I cut my birthday cake at ten in night (last year was also the same.) and had a takeout meal and that was it. Birthday over!
My birthday isn't something I look forward to but I get sad when it gets over. Just like Christmas. Of course, I did get calls and messages like I get on my every birthday but there aren't always people to celebrate with. So I celebrate on my own and I don't expect people to celebrate with me because that would get me disappointed because some wouldn't even bother to wish even after knowing it's their birthday. That is why I don't tell my birthday if asked or even mention it.
Having said that, birthdays are cool and there is a year left for my next birthday and which would be great I believe and maybe have more people I believe. Either way, I am fine. And there is still a lot of time for the next one and you have got a lot of stuff to do to get your life and dreams aligned.
Well, that's all for now. Thank you so much for reading. I will see you in the next one.
