Its getting hard. Day by Day.. More and More..

Sometimes it seems to be a blessing to be born into a nice and middle family. Its always a happy ending. But not for me. For me its getting hard day by day. I have always thanked God for my loving parents. But for me it's still misery, because I was special. Special in others eyes.

I was alone. I always had that thought in my mind. The first girl born into the family. The special one. Got love from all. Kind of a happy life till she knew the world.

Its dark in here. “Do you know what's the worst feeling”? no it should be asked like “ do you know what hurts the most”?

It's simple. Its when you want to cry but you can't. Your eyes want to rain out, but you never allowed it to, because your heart never allowed you. It was kind of an ego that forced myself from not crying. But knowingly or unknowingly my eyes took showers from time to time. It always took a splendid shower whenever it saw the pillow, when no one was around, when it was dark and whenever it had an opportunity. What's more fascinating is that, my beloved eyes are hesitating to follow my heart. They are kind of repelling to each other. They are enjoying the war making it hard for me …

And it's getting harder.. day by day… 

I overheard my grandma, that moment tears rolled down. I knew she didn't love me but never knew it was so much worse. I wanted to go straight to her and yell my heart out, but I stood still. I wished I could disappear, even questioned whether it's worth living. But all I did was, I just walked away from there. Even though my tears made it too obvious, I pretended as if I didn't heard anything, as if I don't belong there.

They always claimed that everything they did was for my benefit.. But why?? I never asked for anything. All the things that they did for me when I didn't even know it, they are claiming that it was for me.. It's as if they are getting rid of there guilty by quietly dumping it on me. No it's fine. I'm not going to complain, but it was difficult to hear that I was the reason he wasn't here anymore. Now I miss him more…