Let it all out.

Let it be.

I know even writing anything I am always cautious about things because words she was in love with are the only reasons she gets mad about nowadays. I never wanted this to happen because I always wanted to be wanted, adored and appreciated for my love, patience and everything for you but I can sense and feel so many things that aren't being said by you and you try to make yourself believe that it's alright to bottling up or not sharing, but do you know how it is actually like? It's like someone's is badly hurt or has a terrible pain and you seems to have a tonic for it but you don't give it to that suffering person because you believe that it won't help him, and eventually that person's pain keeps getting worst.

I wish if I could make you see things more clearly without you feeling being attacked or annoyed by them because nowadays whenever you are with me, you always get mad or annoyed about something no matter whatever it is. Sometimes I wonder: CAN YOU ALTER OUR PLACES AND IMAGINE ME BEING AWAY FROM YOU FOR SO LONG AND COULD BARELY WITH YOU? 

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME COMING TO YOU AND NOT SHOWING ANY WARMTH OR COMFORT EVEN KNOWING ALL YOU MIGHT BE DOING WAS WAITING FOR ME?

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW TERRIBLE IT MUST FEEL WHEN ALMOST AFTER A COMPLETE DAYS OF ABSENCE I WOULD TEXT YOU AND HOLD MYSELF FROM TELLING YOU THAT I MISSED YOU AND LOVE YOU?

There are so many things. I understand situations and all but can you just imagine a situation where I would not be around when you want me the most? 

I have no idea what it is but I can sense something in you that you are losing; is it your attachment or connection with me? Is it your interest? Is it your passion about me? Is it the love that you are falling out of? Is it your willingness or my worth? 

I can't pinpoint what it is but there's something that's changing in you about me. Because even when you are gone for days and when you come there seems to be no energy or excitement in you to be with me, no affection towards me or caring enough to know how I was doing. 

All that can be seen is flaws in me that get misunderstood Because of my expression of what I truely feel. I never wanted to feel sorry for expressing myself but instead I wanted you to value it and appreciate it because as a person things you are unable to express, I express them no matter how difficult or unpleasant they are because expressing myself is better than keeping things to myself and assuming you don't understand me. 

Nobody in this world can understand you without knowing what is something they have to understand about you and to know what are those things you must need to educate them about it first.

Consider this scenario: 

You are in a train, sitting beside a complete stranger and in your own mind you are mad at that stranger because he/she don't understand you. 

Think about it again. Assuming someone doesn't understand you is exactly as believing that stranger to understand you. And all this I am writing is about me but I hope you will learn something from it.

At least I cannot expect someone to understand me, my problems, my fears or things that bother me. So I am direct and transperant to you as much as I can.

There's this thing in science that every possible information is the source that can lead to the solution. So think about everything that I ever shared and expressed myself and see it as information that you got to learn and that information wasn't to make you feel attacked or annoyed but it was the information you could have used to find the solution instead of acting other way.

No matter whatever I have ever shared, seriously think about it, wasn't it something to understand and learn instead of using the same very things as my flaws? 

These days I am feeling so much that I can barely contain myself from telling you things. There's literally no communication at all. It's less than minimum. We are talking like almost nothing and during such time I want you to be more patient and affectionate toward me. I want to see willingness in your texts to be with me. I want to feel more valued and appreciated for everything. For patience, for loving, for not losing my mind, for understanding the wait, for not getting mad at you even if I want to because you are barely around but I can't complain and I respect that you have reasons for it. I don't want mixed or unsure feelings anymore. I want to be treated and prioritised by you for the person I am to you and as a person you love. I want you to make time for me no matter how much busy you get. I want you to come to me no matter whenever you get any opportunity. I want you to communicate and stay consistent with me through communication. Don't live thinking that no matter whatever it is I might be okay with it or it might not be bothering me. It does but I am holding on to you and I want you to do the same. 

I am not going to stop expressing myself, but I hope after writing all this, you will see it other way and will not make me sorry for opening myself. I am more like you, I could have done everything you are doing a very long time ago but you are the only one I got and at least for me it won't be fair to keep things from you. 

I almost shared everything that I want you to realize but realize other things as well. Instead of seeing it a problem or issue, try to see the true worth and potential of it.