An introvert whose mind goes blank at thought of other ‘people’ listening to her thoughts: this is me right now. I've always hid behind the books when confronted with trying things in life. It was always the easier choice. A word as small as hello to be said to a stranger took more effort than climbing a ten storied building and reaching out to the topmost shelf which harbored the most pickiest books. And best of it, quarantine has always been my lifestyle except for the few visits to the nearby shops when essentials ran out.

  Books always understood better than men. I've always regretted when [forced to or willingly] I opened up to people [It felt right at the time!]. Words came out all wrong or twisted. Now I'm a fully grown woman, still shielded by timidity and still stammers when ordering a cake or stutters for words to ask a loved one if they're feeling good without sounding too indulgent. My only refuge has been the pages I wrote off when emotions overwhelmed me.

 The thought of venting out was real good one until I started signing in. I really thought it would do me good if I had someone read what I had to say without even knowing me or judging me. And I'm back to square one! Words never came easy to me, especially when I know that many sets of eyes will go through this writing over and over again and maybe these words aren't strung perfectly to be displayed in public. Anyways, I've made it a habit to open up about my inability to open up at the first acquaintance and that usually does the job of getting the waters flow more smoothly. 

I'm not here to whine. But at least some of you might get what it means to hold back when all you wanna do is to scream at the top of your lungs. I've always had many things I wanted to contradict to. But no! The world was always too loud to hear me or too fast to understand what I've been meaning to say. I've always been a person who always get talked over and has 'always' been cut short during the very few ‘longer than one sentence’ kind of conversations. I'm used to it now. But once in a while, I long for a set of ears that will genuinely listen, and maybe occasionally, understand what  I really meant to say.

Shoutout to all my mates who know exactly what I go through because I know I'm not in it alone. And to those who don't, every once a while, you might just want to take a pause to listen. The hushes maybe worth it. It might make the world a better place. Not just for them, who knows…maybe even for you….