I feel like this is a safe space for me to vent out. I'm sorry to bother y'all with events of my life but I just need to let this out. Please bear with me for a while. I know that scratching onto my wounds wouldn't make it easier to heal, but I need to acknowledge these events before I move on.

Recently I lost one of my best friend of 14 years due to misunderstanding. We were as close as sisters, shared everything and still gave each other the spaces we deserved. But events of the recent past brought us and our families even closer and that ended up taking up the space between us. It started becoming increasingly difficult for my family as we are used to (more of, had to) keeping our boundaries tall and strong. Yet, I told her nothing of the discomfort but bore along. The relation became very toxic very soon and she started controlling various aspects of my life. She started deciding where I had to be, how I was supposed to behave, from which shop I was supposed to buy my amenities, what information I was supposed to share with my parents and what not to and so on. Very soon, she started complaining about the behavior of my parents and brother and how it was all an inconvenience to her and her family. Finally every moment with me had her complaining about me and my inadequate life. 

 The last of our conversations was based on one of the biggest failures of my life and how she thought I was lying to her about when I came to know of it. Thanks to the modern technology, I could prove that I wasn't. But what really hurt me the most was the fact that if I had really told her about the it at a later date, would she not have understood that I needed that time to deal, come in terms with it and accept the failure myself?! I couldn't be bothered to prove her that the rest of her allegations were wrong, but requested her to please stop doing this. And in spite of begging her, the next morning I woke up to numerous essay texts of hers that I regret reading. She repeatedly called me a liar, pointed out various reasons why and shortcomings of my family and many more things that'd pain me to recollect. I couldn't gather enough strength to reply to her texts, instead stared at the screen for a while. Then I convinced myself that I'd be making a fool out of myself if I were to reply to those texts Cz she'd called me a liar and it would do me no  good to justify every action of mine and my family, only to be trialed again. 

I cried hard that day, that I fell ill. I stopped texting her or did not even bother to look at her texts. She continually texted me as if everything was alright. I never opened her texts ever again, not due to resentment but due to the fear that it could hurt me so all over again. What I went through was worse than my breakup, mentally and physically. To those people who say that world has greater problems than my childhood friends, this was my world. And my world ceased in existence the moment she told me that she didn't trust me anymore.

I'd like to stop ruminating my past wounds over and over again, but some more things need to be said on the above matter… next time.