#Chapter three - 

If some terrible thing you experienced, it's obvious you will frightened from that thing or get angry on it, or you will get over it after sometime. But what if some terrible thing happened to you and you can't even understand ‘how to feel or what to feel about it ?’ That thing can make some serious damage! That thing can give you nightmares for life…

We humans have very complicated behaviour, which leads by our thoughts. Our behaviour and thoughts decides, what kind of person we are. It's easy to say, bad-persone always has a  bad thoughts. But what if a good hearted person do something bad for one time… are ‘they’  “bad- person” too then ?… If the answer is ‘Yes’ then is there anybody really good hearted person in this world…?

The last but surely not the least story…

I want to forget that part of my life actually. I told myself several times, that it was just another bad dream.

I was in 9th grade, and like any other parents, mine also thought ' Let's give her some extra help in studies, so she can do better than others. And that's how besides my school and tution, I got myself personal tutor. My beloved mother requested a final year college student to help me in my homework. He was actually cousin brother of my friend and had good relations with my family. He even used to live next door to us for I guess 1 or 2 years, then we shifted nearby building. And because of that my mother asked him for help. To be honest, I didn't really need any extra help with my studies that time, but who tell that to my mother… !! 

I don't remember his face now, but I remember, he was a nice, well behaved boy. Everyone used to praise him in society. I remember, going to his apartment after school for studies. Sitting in his room, on the floor… he was living alone for studies so he didn't had sofa or something like that. And he never allow me ever to sit on his bed. He had only one study table and chair, where he used to sit and study. He never behaved with me in any extra friendly manner, neither he was rude to me. For the whole year he just helped me with what I asked. The whole year I spend sitting on floor where his only side profile visible to me. I used to go to his apartment by 5 o'clock (right after school) and leave by 7:00pm. After that I had tutions from 7:30 to 9:00pm. ( Yeah! Poor me!!) But I survived…

It was my last exam-paper on next day. So I was happy like every other kid. After all summer vacations going to start. I went to tutor by 5:00 as always, now it's 7:30… but still he never told me to leave. I was already late for my other tution. But I was afraid to ask him. as I said, he was not strict, howbeit I am scared of him, like we scared from our teachers some that kind of fear. But I had to leave from there anyhow. So I gathered courage to ask him, ' brother, it's 7:30 can I leave now, I'll be late otherwise' and he said nothing. Not even looked at me. He just called my mother and said, “ she is having many questions remaining to learn and I am taking some revisions. It will take time.” 

I remember, I just freaked out that time. Cause there's nothing, he asked me about my studies that day. I got angry, why the hell he is stopping me now. I was imagining about beating him to the death. And suddenly that time he rotated his chair in my direction. I quickly bow my neck and stared towards the book. I felt his eyes on me. ‘ did he going to shout on me or he will just hit me with the book or scale. But why? What did I do wrong. Think idiot think!. Do I have to look at him and apologize directly. What if he gets more angry.’ like this thousands of possibilities came in my mind…

Then I noticed he stood up and walked towards me. He sat on the floor, right in front of me. I thought, he just came to take that revision, he was talking about with mother. But he never said a single word for few minutes. My neck started hurting. So I look up, straight into his eyes. And after few seconds of eye contact, I felt a pressure on my lips and awful feeling in my heart. I don't remember how much seconds or minutes he placed his hands on my cheeks and his lips on mine. But it hurt both physically and mentally. When I pushed him. He started at me and touched my lips with his thumb and pulled me by shoulders. I was scared that I can't even screem a single word. He hold close and squeezed me tightly. And instead of me he started crying. Than he stood up and grabbed my hand, made me stand up. I started crying at some point. I wanted to run away, but my legs won't work anymore, because  of shock I guess. 

He started walking towards his bathroom's direction with pulling my one hand. He opened bathrooms door and pushed me inside. He started the shower. I was completely soaked in water and shivering to my death. I felt I will die anytime now. I can't even move myself a inch. Than he drag me out of bathroom and started to dry my head with towel. That whole time my tears doesn't stop but not a single word came out of my mouth. I remember, he took me back to my home. I never remembered what reasons he gave to my mother or what he said to her, cause she didn't asked me a single question about ‘why I am soaked in water?’…I never saw him after that. I was grown enough to know that it was abused. But instead of feeling victim, I feel confused. I want to forget all this things, but I also want to know what was going on in his mind…. ' 

Now I forgot his face, his voice but I still clearly remember that apartment. It still gives me nightmares. But the weird  part is, I am not angry on him anymore. Yes! I still hate him for what he did to me. it's impossible for me to forget that memory. But now, I mostly think about ' why he did something like that? What was going on in his mind ? Was he going through some mental issues or it was just some confused moments for him ? He can do anything to me that time, and what was the shower thing he did ? What he actually was wanted to do ?

I am left with many questions… I don't know he is really bad person or he just going through his situations. Cause until that incident, I knew him as a ‘ honour student, helpful good guy’ everyone likes him, even my parents too. This all confusing emotions obviously affected me.

And now all I want to just forgive and forget them…. I just want to move on. I guess that's the best part of me. I never broken yet, after all this time too… I still have a hope that one day, one day in my weird life, I am going to meet someone. Who will kiss me and instead of feeling afraid, sacred or confused. I'll feel free, loved, calm and precise… I really do believe what Disney says, “ True Love's first kiss breaks all the curse… ”  I still have hopes though……

_The end.

That's all folks.