“Log Kya Kahenge ” , this phrase is very commonly heard in almost every house, we have all heard this very often when we dare to do something different for example, choosing a career different than others in family, choosing a spouse on our terms, want to wear something of our choice (because it doesn't fit ‘sanskaari’ society standards), not able to top or qualify that exam and many more. In Indian society, the “Log Kya Kahenge” syndrome has ruined multiple lives and continues to do so. This syndrome usually affects both men and women, but due to ‘patriarchy’ men get an upper hand, if not now then after some time. So mostly women are affected through out their lives. Countless women are stuck in bad marriages because they are conditioned to believe that their sole purpose in life is to get married and bear children. Only a man can complete their life. And because in India marriages are for life, ‘moving out’ is not an option, despite being in an abusive relationship.
The ubiquitous ‘Log Kya Kahenge’ syndrome is present in every strata of Indian society, cutting across class, caste, religion, social status, economic condition and even educational level.
Hence girls are conditioned and women are told to ‘adjust’, ‘tolerate’, ‘compromise ’. They are told to stay in their limits (which is decided by men in the house) because women are the upholders of the family's “sanskar” and honour. The conditioning is such that despite facing daily abuse of horrific proportions, women stay silent and continue to stay in abusive marriages. According to Indian National Crime Record Bureau, female dowry deaths accounted for almost 50% of all females homicide recorded annually in India.
In 2012, 8,233 dowry death cases were reported across India. This means every 90min a women lost her life due to dowry. An irony for a country that boasts of worshipping women and running ‘beti bachao beti padhao’ campaigns. Before running nationwide campaigns, there has to be a mindset change, where daughters are treated at par with sons and given equal rights and opportunities. Where a women is not treated like an object who is under her father's control till the time she's married and then ‘transferred’ to her husband's home thereafter. How is controlling someone, taking away her basic rights and choices in the name of love, protection and security right?
Let's end all of this and ensure that our daughters are safe and happy. Stop telling daughters to stay in abusive marriages and if you give something to your daughter, then give her the power over her rightful money instead of giving it as dowry. Let her be that doctor, engineer, air hostess, designer, scientist, chef, businesswomen, author, news reporter, traveller, a great homemaker or whatever she's ever dreamt of. Marriages and good guys can wait!! Don't let Marriage become the sole purpose and existence of a girl's life. Let her make her own choices with ‘respect’.
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