I've been dreaming far too much these days. They all end midway and share the same fate. In my dream, I'm trying to save a bird. I look after it - sometimes, I feed it. Sometimes I give it tiny drops of water or bandage its wound.

It's a big wound - just below her belly. I know it because it has no feathers. But even after doing everything to save it, the bird almost dies or suffers far too much. I wake up breathing heavily, feeling thankful for it to be just a dream.

But it can't be a coincidence, can it? these dreams and my situation right now.

In my dream, sometimes, the bird talks to me when it's not hurting. Wait, it's not 'it', it's her. Her name is Arza. Arza thanks me for looking after her. she tells me I'll go to Heaven. She tells me I've been nothing but kind to her.

and I tell Arza I don't believe in God or Heaven or Hell. I tell her I've a bone to pick with her God. And she tells me to have faith in Him. When I see Arza suffer, I want to have faith but i can't. Because Arza says it's God who gave her this suffering.

I can't have faith in someone who is going to do nothing to ease her pain. Arza says, "He sent you to help me." I find all that God's ways are sure twisted, and His believers fascinate and frustrate me.

But I've grown attached to Arza. I don't want to lose her just yet.

But you know, I don't think anyone of us has got it right - life and death, I mean. We don't value life until our end is near. And we don't understand death until we start to lose someone close to us.

They say, "carpe diem" - seize the day - and live your day like there's no tomorrow, but if you did that you'd spend your entire day saying goodbye to everyone you love. I think you should live your last day like you lived your everyday.

Sometimes, other birds flock around Arza. They fly in and out. I despise them all. Arza doesn't need to think she's dying. heck, I don't want to admit it either.

I don't know if she dies, because I always wake up before I get to the end. These dreams are a mystery to me.

I think I've said a lot and will end this note here. I've to go and tend to the bird I found on my terrace.