Hello everybody!

This is not actually a blog. Today I am writing about something which bothers me almost everyday. My heart is heavy and in pain. So I thought of sharing about it so that maybe writing will help ease a little bit of pain.

I am going to share kind of a story about how I got feelings for my best friend and how that was the most terrible idea in the whole world.

Let us begin with the story about how me and him (my best friend) became friends. It was my first year of college and I had just left my home and city and was away for almost 3 months. I was missing home and he had posted some street food story from our city which made me miss my home more. So I replied to him and we started talking. We had many common friends so we knew each other which made it easy to talk. 

Eventually, we became best friends and used to chat the whole day between lectures and at night, after having dinner, we talked on call for hours straight till one of us slept. It became like a routine and we just understood each other well. He also stayed in different city for college. Sharing the same home city, we started meeting whenever we came back home. We really enjoyed our friendship. He taught me about all the things about life and I used to teach him about how to talk to girls and how to impress girls (because he was the shy one). 

This went on for a year when due to some reason, I started getting jealous about the girls he told me over call; which he used to tell often but I had never felt this way.

I started missing him one time when we didn't talk for few days and which was when I realised I have started to like him. We used to flirt a lot on calls and texts so I thought that maybe he liked me too. After about 6 months when my feelings had eventually became stronger, I confessed to him about it and knew that my heart was going to break. Reality hit me hard when he said that he just thought of me as friend and nothing else.

BOOM! My heart was broken and I had lost my best friend too. We tried to stay friends after that but it was really hard for me.

 We are still in touch but I don't think I have been able to move on. I still cry at night sometimes when I miss him. Whenever I pass by the spots where we used to hang out, I still search for him. Sometimes I feel frightened about the fact that I like him so much. Maybe because he made me feel precious. He acted like he liked me but IDK if that was my interpretation. 

I still have feelings for him (after almost 3 years). Do you still call it a crush?

I hope one day, I will move on and look at him in the eye and not feel a thing. Maybe I will learn to move on.

I don't know if all of that made any sense, I just wanted to pour my heart out.

PS. It is the worst thing in the world to fall for your best friend.