I thought I got over it, over you

I wish this was true, but I can't get you out of my mind.

I am afraid to see you again.

Afraid that I won’t be able to get myself together,

afraid that I will want you back here, with me

just like the old good and odd times.

Hatred is a big word, I can’t even unlove you.

I know you lied, just can't find a reason why you did.

I believed I was the one who’s always arguing 

because everything you did had a logical reason.

I thought my crying bothered you, but what bothered you was the guilt that you made me cry

And then someday, you preferred to say, “you cry for no reason”

I went through all the bad times thinking about the good ones,

until the day you did things I could never forget

and then acted like nothing ever happened.

I lost trust in you, I was afraid to make you my comfort zone

and you asked for last chance

Again!

Loving you never bothered me, what bothered was

I started to hate myself, lose myself.

I hate that I got into the pretty talks of yours when I knew this is all fake.

I hate that I trusted your words when I saw your actions spoke the opposite.

But maybe it was hope that kept me going, until one day you broke it,

in such a way that I can't get myself to trust you ever again.

and now I am in guilt too, to not give you a last chance for the hundredth time.

I hate when you said that you want me,

I felt like a doll in a child's hand.

He cries when it is taken and when it is with him he break it and when it's broken, he is sad, again!

I gave you my most precious time of life and you said that I didn’t.

It breaks me in an unexpected way, in a way I never thought it would

It makes me hate myself when I still love you

No single day passes without me missing you, and

I wish this wasn't true.

.

This is  a not particularly a poetry. I just tried expressing what one feels. Because poetry is better to express this than just mere words, so I gave it a try and am sharing here.