Everyone has various things happening at any given point in their life and everyone has a different way to handle and deal with those things. Some of us are struggling to keep our businesses going, some are stressed about their jobs, some might be having trouble with their families and we all are struggling because of Covid. We are feeling a stream of emotions such as sadness, anger, pain, anxiety, hopelessness, and many more.  But when we communicate these feelings to our family members and close friends you might hear responses such as: 

“Focus on the good things in life”

“It could be so much worse - be grateful”

“This too shall pass”

It sometimes feels like, all we want to do is push down the negative emotions and try to substitute them with positivity or positive vibes. This can be useful for some but it is also giving rise to toxic positivity. A clinical psychologist and behavior therapist Dr. Jaime Zuckerman describes these term as follows, "The assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset”

Dr. Zuckerman suggests some interesting facts about toxic positivity and how we must let ourselves and others feel the emotions we’re feeling in the moment. She mentioned that we assume that if a person is not in a positive mood (or whatever we think in our mind a positive person should look or act like) then they are somehow wrong, bad, or insufficient in some way. But the problem is when we tell someone that feeling sad, angry, or emotional that we consider ‘negative’ is bad we are basically making them feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment”

Basically, we are telling them that they should be ashamed for being sad or that they should feel embarrassed for being afraid. These efforts to avoid, ignore, or suppress the emotions can make a person go into isolation when they need real help.

Therefore it really is OKAY to not be okay.

Not feeling okay when the world around you is a mess is okay. A not-so-normal response for a not-so-normal situation is not only normal but logical. We cannot simply pick the emotions we want to feel. If this was the case then we as well consider ourselves enlightened beings. But as we all are simply normal human beings we will have responses as simple normal humans. So feeling scared when someone in your family contracts Covid is normal. Feeling anxious and scared about an uncertain future is normal. Feeling sad when you lose something you care about is normal. Feeling scared when you don't know what is going to happen next is normal. We should let ourselves and other people in our lives feel these things as they come up.

Allowing ourselves not to feel ok makes us conscious about them and allows us to accept all feelings and thoughts. Remembering that no emotions are permanent makes it easy to process them. We let ourselves experience painful feelings so that we can truly let them pass through us.

So next time if a friend or family member approaches you with their issues try to listen and use the following phrases which affirms their feelings and lets them know you are here to support them without expectation:

It is okay to not feel okay right now.

You should feel whatever emotions you want to feel.

Take your time. I am with you and I’m listening.

You’re allowed to feel this way. Your feelings are valid.

So whenever you are feeling low and don't want to do anything. Tell yourself that it's okay with not being okay.