Feels so weak,

when I see your glazed eyes!

Someone screams,saying...

"Who are you?"

Who am I?

Without you…

I wonder!

 

Confused state of guilt,

You poured in me

'cause I asked you to care!

Asked you to be there,

When I was dumped all alone

trembling in fear...

Delusional,

Hearing footsteps,

Guns in their hands

Banging the door...

So close to end

I wonder!

 

Bleeding eyes...

'cause I can't close them

Can't sleep,

They gets stronger

When I am not myself

But it never felt alright

Messy hair, dry lips,

Holding my knees,so tight

An illusion in filth,

Or my fear?

Sweating anxiety...

Bruised hands,

While screaming confused;

Scratching my skin

Oh such a frightful sight!

Constantly overhearing voices

Not meant for me.…

A secret,

Would you ever believe?

I wonder!

 

Exhausted,

No more consolation

I started hating myself!

But then,I had to hold on

I had responsibilities ahead!

Couldn't bear the pain...

But I had no ways to say,

"Can't live,I am dying instead!"

So I calmed my head,

Blaming my fate....

Gently closing my chaos

my sobbing eyes,

in my pillows;

I fell asleep,

Dreaming about my favourite shows

That I made,for years

"My life in a nutshell!"

Everything I wished for!

Sometimes I think...

Will it ever be enough,

to be free?

Will I ever be enough,

to be the one you wished to love,

to feel what you would for someone else?

I wonder!

 

While running back and forth

dreaming my days,

that I couldn't find anywhere else...

Choking into reality

yet finding new ways,

to touch your thoughts...

To see if I could find my soul

that I was searching for!

A sweet delight in your endless nights?

Or a listless weaver in distress,

sewing her melancholy...

That you would comprehend in denial,

Off the shore singing Lullaby?

I wonder!

 

Before leaving my soul,

into the grave of hope,

I want you to know,

There's

an old case, I kept for you in the attic...

My emotions buried inside a penned note,

lying barely on the ground,

dusted leaves, covered with webs all around...

Would you ever search for?or would you let it decay,

until you erase my memories,

accompanied by moulds?

I wonder!

Musings:

We can do better... Just come out of your shell.

The things made you feel hopeless one day, will seem beautiful....

We're all a little lost, just need to help each other to find new ways.

What I am saying is, if nothing, we can earn hopes, let it grow.... and when we will have enough, we will shower in places, dealing with droughts, so, they can grow more to feed our hopeless world. 

It would be beautiful, isn't it?

Thanks for reading!