Never in my life had I thought of doing this. After 5 years of an integrated M. Tech course, I was more than convinced that finding a job would be as easy as it could get. But then, Corona happened, and that too right during my final semester. 

Nevertheless, I was one of the first students in my batch to get a job. Although it was a well paying private job, I didn't worry about it until 5 months later. By this moment I had lost all hopes of a normal covid-less life, and working like a lunatic 10 hours a day, 5 days a week. Was the money worth it? No. 

My boyfriend had been preparing for a well known government exam since last 2 years. And all it took was a small suggestion on his part and a resignation on mine. At the time when people were scrambling for jobs all around India, I resigned. It has been 3 months since I took that decision. 

And each day comes with it's own challenges and doubts, whether or not I did the right thing. 

Especially in today's climate, when the entire country and possibly the world is falling down to pieces, and the only escape from melancholy is social media which is full of engaging content creators making 10 seconds reel videos. This in itself is an entirely different twisted concept, made to make us think that we're only spending a short time on our screen so we don't end up feeling bad about our procrastination. I mean in no way that I'm better than others, because I'm one of them, consuming content when I have a ton of studies to do. Hell, I got so frustrated that I opened up a blog post and am currently ranting about it. But I guess it's just one of those puzzles that don't seem to make sense until you are halfway there. I'm not, but soon will be. Looking at my past full of ace grades and incomplete projects, I just hope this isn't one of them. 

But only if I somehow knew if this is it and this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. But I'll probably not know that for more than a year or even 2 years, because that is how slow the process is. Until then, I can only study and hope it's all worth it. Because if it isn't, I'm screwed. 

Thanks for reading. 

R.