Dear Midnight,
It has been ages since I had last written to you. Anything I would say would be an excuse. When I know I'm no longer able to weave poems like I used to do, using them as an excuse will only make me a hypocrite. I think the time has came to switch back to story writing. I know I'm not as good in that as I were in poem writing but the scope to increase would give me happiness. And it's better than the nothingness I'm feeling right now.
Actually it's not nothingness. I know the region I'm trading now. It's not an unknown territory, just that I had never thought of traveling it again. But here I am. But I have undertaken a challenge of 30 days of poem writing. Which I have to complete first . And I will. After that I'll switch to stories. Enough about planning. Cause you know as well as I do that my plans never go accordingly. So, the future of my pen is uncertain.
Anyway let me tell you one thing. Why I finally wrote to you. Honestly saying I didn't want to. But I have to. Because there is no one else I could talk about these stuffs. You understand my cryptic stuffs. May be you don't. At least you don't feel obliged to acknowledge me with a solution. Anyway last night I couldn't sleep. Actually I'm unable to sleep at night for days now. And it's noting new. It shouldn't be a problem . But it's becoming one. Cause, things are returning.
You know better than anyone, you know what I'm talking about. You remember the period I used to be afraid of you, these days are rolling towards it. And not smoothly or slowly. I need someone to talk to. But I feel like choking every time I start talking. It's taking a toll on me. I thought I could battle it off this time, like I did last time. But may be I can't. Just be kind enough and tell me I can.
I won't be desperate , I won't hurt myself. But I need a distraction. And it's like the previous time I don't find it in poems or novels . I have lost my solace and this time too I'm not willing to make someone pay for my traumas. I refuse to swim out of this by relying on someone. I refuse to make a habit of something. I'm strong and I can endure this. I won't repeat the mistakes I did last time. I need to chant this mantra day and night. I need to find something to occupy my mind. If not poetry and novels I will create my own stories. And if that doesn't work I would revert to something else. I won't fall pray into these traps. I have already lost a lot of things. I don't want to lose more and you know I can't.
I know you are midnight, I know you are full of darkness. But I know you have light stored within you. Show me the path, guide me home. Dear midnight please, this time don't make me hate you. I don't want to be afraid of you. Please be the light or bring it. I know there is a light within me. And I need to break down to find it, but even fission takes some time and energy, I need that to be you. Will you please be my sun, dear midnight ?