For the past few days there was an excitement surging to try a new recipe at home- fried rice! I watch reels with all the recipes and then a duty is delegated upon my mother (Amma) to make those fancy dishes at home so that once it is successfully made, it can be included into the list of dishes that can be easily made at home in the coming days. However, every time I get Amma to do something like this, I am not satisfied with the outcome. Maybe because the hype, the excitement, the expectation of, that the dish would give an utter sense of magic, reaches to a very irrational high. But no instance brings the urge to an end and it is an endless cycle. Well! Amma is a great cook but cooking is an art in itself and the artist needs its own time to work upon an idea, which I probably don't realize and don't allow in the self-consumption.
So, I started bringing all the ingredients together for the D-day. It was planned that we will have it prepared for the dinner. Made my Amma see the recipe once more and we were good to go. The rice were cooked and put in the refrigerator, early in the morning. It was a casual lazy day, I was supposed to follow a study schedule but I kept putting everything off and binge watched different series simultaneously and therefore, being passionate about the wrong things. Tired with stressing my eyes on the screen, I decided I needed sleep (every past day I promise myself that I will sleep on time in the night and won't sleep in the afternoon, the next day. Unfortunately, I do every thing I do every day and nothing changes).
I woke up after two long hours and Amma said that she is going to visit the cousin's place near our house. I woke up, drank a glass of water. Asked Amma if I could eat a packet of chips and she affirmed. I took the packet of chips, my phone and lied down to continue the series from where I left. After a while, the conscience hit in and I got up to pick my books and do what I am primarily meant to do- study! Only a few minutes passed and I remembered I had to check my laptop if it miraculously started working. My first laptop never really worked and mid-college (during Covid lockdown) it gave up on me. So, before I finally gave up on it, I gave it to my cousin in case if anything could be done about it. The college reopened and I almost forgot about it. After two and a half years I wanted the laptop back because I had time to realize my attachment with it because even though it never did its job from the very first day but after all it was my first laptop. I got the laptop and I packed it up and stored it for the time being to decide later what was to be done about it. I waited for my cousin to find the charger of the laptop which I got two months later. And after a while I started wondering that I should try once, if it could still work. I had zero hopes because it was a machine after all that had been left unused for around three years. But I kept on procrastinating. What better time than now while I was studying. I was not comfortable with the posture so I decided, I cannot study here and packed the books and decided that this is absolutely the right moment to take the laptop out for the test.
And so, I did. Put the charger in and a red light blinked, pressed the power button and the screen lighted up but there were hundred percent chances for it to turn off automatically and it did. I tried again but this time it stayed with me. I entered numerous passwords but it didn't work. I called my cousin for the password considering that while he might have tried to repair the machine, he must have changed the password in the process. Initially, he didn't remember it but then he asked me to try a password and it worked. The heart was still numb because I was still wondering if it would go off any time now. But it didn't. I was thankful and grateful for it. This gadget was something I needed but couldn't afford to get a new one and on the other hand an attachment with the old one didn't allow me to dispose it off. So, it all worked out and a certain sense of belief arose.
It rained and because the roads are not good, my Amma called from the cousin's place and asked me to come get her and that I can have the evening tea at their place. She has knee problems and needs someone by her side because many a times she has stumbled and fell. So, that sight weakens me and I want to be there to protect her. And not leaving her alone for even small distances. So, I switched the charging off of the laptop, turned off the lights, locked the door and left the house. I reached there, had the tea and snacks, gossiped with my aunt and after an hour came back to my place with Amma.
Amma started preparing the fried rice, I helped her and put in all the sauces and spices and gave it a quick mix. Amma went to take a shower as it was too humid and she was all sweating after the chores and also had to do the evening pooja. She did all of this while I started setting up my laptop. She came with the food and served me the fried rice and she ate leftover paratha and sabzi from the morning. I took the first bite of the rice and it didn't click. The days' excitement all lay flat in that one bite. I looked at Amma, nodded my head in disapproval and she got it. The next thing she was worried about was about what I would eat now. I told her it was fine and I wasn't hungry anyway. She didn't eat the rice as well. The food is not thrown away in the garbage but is given to the animals on the road. So, Amma asked me to go down and put it there. I told her I would do it in the morning.
After an hour I felt hungry a little bit and the idea of getting a pizza made me even more hungry and so I started convincing Amma to let me order one. I had to convince her because I would have to order minimum two to get an offer applied on the app. She had to give in even though she was full. And since I would have to go down to get the order, she asked me to to put the leftover food down there as well. But while she was out in the balcony, putting the food in a plastic bag, she saw a cow on the road and called it out for the food. The cow stopped right there and Amma repeatedly called me to take the food down. I got annoyed, with Amma's impatience as she could have waited for the order to come and I could have done both the jobs together (taking the order and putting the leftover on the door). I, in rage, took the plastic bag and a piece of paper so I could lay it there and put the food on it. But as I got down, opened the main door, went out and lay the paper, the cow sped towards it and sniffed the paper which had nothing on it yet and the next thing it saw was the plastic bag in my hand which had the food.
The cow came for it and I panicked and dropped the plastic bag. The cow grabbed it in its mouth and wouldn't let it go. I thought it would try emptying it there and then eat but a minute later I saw that even though it emptied the plastic bag but before eating the food, it consumed the plastic bag right in front of my eyes. I was upset seeing the innocence of that animal, I felt bad for not taking the right step. That I could have turned back and placed the food there later. I was annoyed, for Amma called that cow right on the doorstep and had it not been there I could have put the paper and emptied the bag on it and bring the plastic bag back with me. I was annoyed with the people who use the animal for its milk to earn the money but left it open to feed on the garbage outside considering that the cow is a holy animal here and there is cow vigilantism all around. Who is to take care of these animals?
I came up and put out all my anguish on Amma and blamed her for being impatient. I went out in the balcony and watched the cow for a while which stood their licking itself after eating every grain of rice. I wondered how there is so much garbage on the roads and how everyday these cows in the struggle to have the food inside the the plastic bag, end up consuming the plastic itself is heartbreaking. I wondered what makes us smarter from these animals! Although it might have happened elsewhere and must be happening every now and then but because I was the culprit and it all took place in my presence, I was burdened with the guilt and was vicariously guilty for those who should be responsible for their adverse actions and inactions!
Today, I took my resurrected laptop out to put down these emotions of thought, guilt and opportunity into words.
