Sometimes, it becomes hard to sleep when you’re constantly fighting with the thoughts in your head. They just keep banging the walls of my head while I try to sleep. They constantly tell me not to sleep because somehow, they make sense. They make a lot of sense. Maybe that’s why they win most of the time and I can’t sleep. Some thoughts just mess up my mind bad enough that they don’t let me sleep the whole night.

Most of the people I’ve met around my age, including my friends and strangers, I’ve noticed one thing in common about them. Most of them don’t seem to fit in the place they’re living in. They don’t seem to understand the rules they’re made to follow. And that’s because it doesn’t make any sense to them. Because the time most of them living in is totally different. The rules they’re forced to follow were made for a different time. A time when things, situations, and people were different. Today, it’s all changed and yet most of the young generation is forced to follow those same old societal norms.

This makes me realise one thing. society only adapts to the change they like. It will disregard anything else that it doesn’t understand as an unacceptable nonsense. Because changing is not a comfortable process. Especially when it challenges our old beliefs. And the worst part is that most of the time, it’s our own people who force us to follow the rules that don’t make any sense. Most of the time, it’s our own family. 

Family can sometimes become our worst enemies. The place where we're supposed to feel like home, feels like a prison that we need to escape. In most parts of the country, most of us are not allowed to make choices that our families don’t like. Anything that seems “Out of the rule” of the family and society will be disregarded as wrong and unacceptable. 

This is what drives me crazy. It was a time long ago when these rules and ethics made sense. When people and time, both were different. It was working out at that time because people had a different mindset. They had different dreams and different ways of living. But not today. Most people I’ve met of my age have a totally different vision of life. We don’t fit in that old system anymore. And yet most of us are forced to. And the most unfortunate thing is, most of us can’t do anything about it even if they want to. We’ve always been taught that family is everything and you should always listen to your family. Going against family and old ethics is like a crime in most parts of the country.

This is the worst part. We are forced to choose between family and dreams. And unfortunately, most people give up on dreams. Why? It’s the tactics that will be used If you go against the family or society. Sometimes, there is a vision, a dream that only you can see. There is something that you know is totally right for you. But the family will refuse to understand it and will make you choose between them and your dream. If you chose the family, they’ll be happy regardless of how you feel. And if you somehow gather up all the guts to chase your dream and decide to go against your family, you will become the ultimate villain. You will be made feel guilty to chose your dream over an old societal norm. You’ll be made feel guilty to step up and break a generational curse to live a life as you want. You’ll be emotionally tortured to a point where you will feel guilty about stepping for something you believe in, something you love. Maybe that’s why most people give up on their dreams. It's that guilt that makes them give up. I’ve seen people giving up on their dreams, on their hearts, because it’s against the rules of the family. And there’s nothing painful to see a person give up on something they love because some people made a stupid rule, years ago, and now it has become culture. Dreams are being killed in the name of culture. And most people have no choice but to give up on them. But at what cost? 

My boss at the office is a very interesting person. He gave us an example once. Imagine you have a small kid. We know kids love chocolate. Now if that kid asks for chocolate once, you’ll probably be happy to give the chocolate, right? Now imagine the kid is stubborn. Imagine he’s asking for 100 chocolates to eat at once. Of course, you’re not gonna give him that right? He’s going to cry about it. Hell throws things around, refuses to eat anything else, probably won’t talk to you for some days, he’ll do everything to make you give up and give him the chocolates. I’ve seen kids threatening to leave the house if they don’t get some toy they want. But they still don’t get it. Why? Because you know that it’s not good for him. Even if he cries his throat out, you still won’t give it to him. You know that he’ll understand when he’ll grow up. And they do, don’t they? We all did. 

The point of this example is, this is what families do. When they see you doing something they don’t understand, they’ll do the same thing as the kid. They’ll make use of all the tactics they have to make you give up on it because they don’t understand it. The only difference here is, most people do give up here. Because it’s easier to convince a kid. But it’s impossible to convince a society that does not want to understand. 

There will be points in our life where you’ll need to reverse the role. Where you’ll need to make your own choices. There will be some points where you’ll need to step up for those choices against your own people because they will not understand it. They won’t be able to see your vision. This is where you’ll be forced to give up. Where you’ll be made feel guilty to step up against a system of unacceptance. Because eventually, they all understand when they see the worth. When you show them what you saw. 

This is the point where most people give up. They’re forced to do what their family wants even if they have to force themselves to do so. It’s not a bad thing to follow the culture and societal norms. But not at the cost of our peace of mind. Most of us give up because we’ve been actively taught that family is everything. It naturally makes us feel guilty to go against the family. But in the end, it is we who end up forcing ourselves into a place we don’t fit in. It’s we who end up with our dreams shattered and our hearts broken. It’s we who will live with the choices we make for the rest of our lives.

There are some points in our lives where we see a rare opportunity. A rare dream, a hope, a rare kind of love, something that we believe in, that we don't see often, something that most people don't understand. a point where we have to risk it all to achieve it. Where we have to fight for it. I saw dreams that no one understands. I saw hope, a life, a love that no one seems to get. Something worth fighting for. And I keep asking this question to myself when I'm at war with my mind at night trying to sleep. Is it worth giving up on something I believe in so much, for people who care more about societal norms and outdated ethics?

I don't think it's worth it. I don't think it will ever be.