I am sitting in my English lecture and it’s a normal routine day. Until things start to get a little abnormal. Suddenly, I can feel my whole-body shivering from the inside even though it’s a hot-summer day. My hands are shaking and I can sense a weird tingling sensation in them. My heart is beating faster and louder by the second. I start sweating profusely even on being seated in quite an airy space. Eventually, I excuse myself out of the class when I can’t take it anymore only to realize later on that I experienced an anxiety attack.

I have a vague remembrance of how it all started, but what I do remember is that I hadn’t slept peacefully for weeks. Racing heart, palpitations, sweaty palms, insomnia had all started to become a part of my everyday routine.

I have always been an apathetic person. I know how to draw a line between what to keep personal and what to display out in public. What I really regret is that I kept it as a secret, not because I didn’t want to talk about it but because I was embarrassed of having it. Fast forward four years, I finally gathered the courage to talk to my mother about it and seek proper treatment. I was diagnosed with GAD- Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

As much as I was scared, I was relieved at the same time that I could finally gather means to have some sort of control over it. The more I talked about it, the easier it became to accept having it and acceptance is the first step to any recovery. It’s been five years of me living with it now. Nothing helps on some days, while doing nothing and sitting idle helps on the others.

While some moments become overwhelming and takes a toll on me, I have never let it take control of me completely. I believe that all we need is to get through those weak moments and take charge again. I’ve always thought of it as a part of me and not who I am. For instance, if someone catches a physical ailment, we don’t say that the person is just that ailment and nothing else. Same way, any mental disease is also just a little part of you, it does not define who you are.

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