Sharing a child is the worst and the most painful part of a divorce especially if the child is young. One can imagine how difficult the separation decision can be especially for a mother and the custody of the child is divided. she mostly stays with her dad for many reasons i cannot write about and comes here on and off now due to covid because they stay in a different city. It is tough, extremely tough to see them go. My child isn't vocal.  She wants both her parents so gets confused where to spend most of her times and doesn't tell much when she is asked to decide. Clearly she wants both and sadly she cannot have it. 

A lot of people say it is a bad decision to take a divorce if you have kids but believe me you wouldn't want the child to see the fights and taunts and rudeness on everyday basis. That will mess up her mind ever more. There probably isn't any 100% right and wrong to any given situation. Life is always unfair and you have to make peace with it if you decide to live on and fulfill your duties be it any. 

Saying goodbye to my baby is traumatizing for me to say the least. I know she feels bad too. Nothing can replace a mother's love. 

I really wanted to vent and felt this was the right place to write it all down. Seeing her scattered toys, clothes, messed up bedding etc is driving me crazy. My younger one is going to miss her a lot when she gets up from her nap. She has no clue that didi has gone again. Thank god the younger one stays with me. I do not wish for big things in life. I just wish to be next to my kids till the end of my life. My kids are my world.  

I hope she will miss me there. I know she gets too busy and she has many people there. I wish she could be more vocal and tell them she wants to spend more time with me. She wants to she said. 

I will bring her here again in few months but these months will be like years. Due to covid it is not even safe to travel with kids so i have to wait longer. Tears don't stop falling but i need to be strong as i need to give more attention to my younger one so she doesn't miss her didi much. Life goes on..