My eyes were shedding tears. I believe I wasn't crying. I was angry but I was in pain. I could have felt the warmth of my tears, rather I felt like something is boiling inside my whole body and steam is coming through my eyes. My pillow get wet with that continuous flow of hot water, seriously at that time, tears meant nothing more than hot water. I was burning from the inside out. I was unable to accept that I gave someone chance to break my trust. It wasn't their fault, I was the one who blindly trusted and believed their fake appearance.
People show fake care toward us and we believe that they are being real to us, they truly care for us. Why do we need someone to be for us? I don't know the answer, but do need someone always. I feel like someone being for us gives us hope to live. We don't care if they are real or fake until we found them and sometimes even if they are fake it doesn't matter at all because we just need someone to be.
I am crying because my body can't control my emotions. I am completely broken. There is no one, who is ready to give you your happiness by losing their peace of mind and one should not. Now I understand the difference between selfish and selfless behavior and I have also understood that nowadays people have framed their selfishness under fake selflessness. It troubles us who can't be selfish towards them. We have to be selfish for our own sake, we can't always blame others for being selfish, they all are correct in their way. It hurts us cause this way does not match ours or doesn't take us with them. There are bare chances, that someone will be there for us, with us on every step of our life, people have their own life to live. No one should sacrifice for the sake of others, and so neither do we.
This anger I am feeling can lead me to the right path but it has cost me a lot. There is the possibility that no one is going to accompany me in choosing that path but I have to understand that they are not willing to go along.
