Hello all! This is my very first post in Substack and getting used to writing has always been a daunting task. There would be immense passion and desire in expressing your thoughts and the next day, you don’t care to have any. Or the sudden urge to express something is there but the time isn’t favourable; which means, I have to wait a bit later and when later comes, you either push it for even later or you don’t do it at all. In other words, we call it procrastinating. I don’t think there are writers who never procrastinate but then I have procrastinated more than enough and there should be more progress.

My writing is a bit inconsistent at times and it is also a bit hard to focus all my writings at the same time. I hope with this first blog post, I get into a routine, if not regularly, at least once a week and I hope I don’t forget about Substack soon after I have posted what I have written.

Moving on, this decade. I wouldn’t have walked down the memory lane if not for a picture which I came across in Google Photos.

Sure, it isn’t a great picture. You can barely see my face, and it is dark and possibly a bit dull. So, what is so great about this picture other than me being in it? Or the fact that it is the very first picture of mine taken in this decade at the very start. To be precise, it was on 2020 New Year. I am know the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the year 2020. A crazy year for sure; followed by even more crazy years. It’s almost the end of 2024 and when I look back (which I don’t want to) I have come a long way; physically, mentally and emotionally. The start of this decade was more of a transitional phase for me even if it was within the walls of the house. I started to grow up, despite being in my early twenties then, and most of it happened on its own without me really doing anything. I am not going to bore you with too many details of each and every year but I did good, I would like to believe.

We have heard people quote the term called ‘New Normal’ but from there a New Me was also growing and is still a work in progress. There were people saying that things were better before 2020 but for me, it’s the other way around. This decade allowed me to shred many layers of illusion as the outcomes have been disappointing. I let go off things that don’t matter anymore and because I have been holding onto it out for too long to the point of restricting myself. I hated the ‘Old Me’ because of the way I behaved or dealt with things when there are people around and when I had this realisation also called ‘The Epiphany’, there weren’t people anymore. Me before 2020 would have been upset but not anymore because I want to do a lot of other things and I feel restricted by being places I am forced to be. I have become more aware than before and so I will not lie to myself about how things really are. I acknowledge it, and accept it and not try too hard to make it better because it is not always in your control.

I like the current Me more because I am no longer pretentious or a people pleaser; though I have been a bit of a latter at the beginning of college and tried to be the former which didn’t work and I accepted it. It might seem monotonous or plain to others but I know that if I try too hard, I might make a fool out of myself which I have done enough of in the previous decade. Not anymore, I don’t want to re-live those moments anymore.

Before 2022, if you asked me about how far in the past I would go in my life to just revisit, I would have probably said 2017, because that was when certain things and people meant something more. I certainly don’t want to go beyond that.

However, if you ask me the same question now, I would say 2022 and not before. Even if the start of the decade was more of the transitional phase, I hated every minute and I don’t want to re-live it one bit. 2021 was the worst year of this decade and which is something I openly acknowledge instead of waiting till the end and figure it out.

Why 2022? Because, I believe that was the best year of this decade and probably the best year I had in a really long time. It is because a lot of things happened and not just plans for namesake, it all actually happened. And that was the time I felt in a much better space; be it physically, mentally and emotionally. Sure, there were some hurdles here and there but otherwise, it was the best year of my life; which might be an overstatement but I can’t think of any other year that tops this. Or maybe I am old to think about this but there are still good and bad in each year. I feel I have done more than enough with reminiscing the memory lane because that’s what I have been doing in the first two years of the decade all thanks to the pandemic.

The years after that isn’t too bad either but it work because you are an adult and whatever you want to do, should be done soon because time is ticking and I am constantly reminded about the same. Being in my late-twenties, I really can’t afford to miss out on things or fool around. While the good side is about you feeling more content about being in a better space, you still need to work more in order to stay there longer and grow. You certainly don’t want to go back to that space, do you? There is still a lot of work to be done. And I am scared of not getting enough time. There is a lot to do and not enough time. There is the gloomy phase probably because of the weather which I don’t mind at times but staying motivated is the hard part.

I have grown old but not fully up, I know. I have outgrow certain things so doing those at this point in time may feel like immature and child-like. Having said that, I still find time to relax and enjoy my time and I am not afraid of making a fool out of myself or worry about what others think. This was the time I felt a bit more relaxed and chilled than earlier and so I turn a deaf ear to people who tell me to act like an adult because I know where to draw the line of acting like an adult and a child.

This is how my writing usually goes. I want to say about one thing and I end up saying about many different things; sometimes not even related to what I wanted to say in the first place. I think I will wrap up for now.

There is always something to write and so I really don’t have to try too hard about what to write. That’s all for now. Thank you so much for reading. I will see you in the next one.