I was talking to my friend the other day and he shared a picture of us going on a trip to Fort Kochi, which was exactly two years ago on that very day he shared. I also shared the fact that exactly five years ago on that day, we vacated our PG after our course. His immediate response was that was another life. And I don't mean life in the PG, but the time which might be only five years back, but it feels like a long time ago, a different life I would say. 

The lockdown was the transition period of that life to the life now, the better life I would say. I don't miss the previous life because I have realised that I hated it, or I hate it now. The times that I thought I enjoyed I hated it. There are moments enjoyed in between those times but that feels like a lifetime ago and so I don't hold on to it for too long because I have a life and I am trying to live that life.

There are times which I know I hated when living it and there are times which I didn't realised I hated it until today. Let's have a look at the latter first:

Since we talked about vacating the PG five years ago, let's talk about what happened after. I moved to a place with another friend and I realised I hated every bit of it; the eight months I was there. Not only about living there but also time in general where nothing was working out and I am trying hard to sort it out without letting anyone know and that may have affected me. I hated that time. That was the year where we were trying to make everything work and trying too hard to make it like the year I thought was good but it only got worse. There were moments enjoyed in that year.

I hated the time I stayed at a house during my diploma course which was during the second wave of pandemic till I got my visa approved. Sure, i had the whole house to myself and I bought takeouts and watched movies and series but now when I think about it, I hated that time. It was very depressing and miserable even after shredding the layers of illusions which came disappointing outcomes. The year itself wasn't great otherwise. 2021 was the worst year of this decade and this was something I knew by the end of the year.

Those above-mentioned are the ones that took me time to realise that I hated it. The rest I knew I hated it when I lived those. Such as the school years especially from Class 9 to 12; I was the happiest when I got out of school and I thought college would be fun but not exactly I think; First Year was raw, Second Year I liked because it was a transition period from people pleasing to not giving a d@mn and when certain things and people meant something more, and Third Year, the worst, too much pressure, too much negative energy and the only place we found solace was the cinema halls. 

I don't miss college and I certainly don't miss school. As my friend has said, it was all a different life and I don't want to re-live any of it. If ever I want to time-travel, two years back would be the maximum, nothing more. Because that was a good year and that was when everything worked for me. 2022 was indeed the best year I had in a long time. Because I am in a better space physically, mentally, and emotionally in a way, I don't think too much about 2023 or 2024 being the best year or something but they have to be happening and things have to be sorted well. 

This is my life now. I like this life. So what if I am adulting, I don't mind that. I like that even if it's hard. I don't want to go back and re-live my college days in Bangalore; beyond that is a nightmare for me.

I have talked a lot about the times and events. But what about the people? Well, there aren't too many people in the previous life who are involved or in touch with in my current life. So letting go of them as well. No need to frequently flush out a list of people and events I want to forget. I don't think too much. I am done with the past. I am done with nostalgia. I know I have said this before but the only nostalgia I prefer are movies and cartoons, I would revisit those than some people of my past or the events of the past. The past doesn't need me anymore. My future does. More than before.

Thank you God for this life.