We live in a time where everything is available in just one click. We have apps for everything be it shopping, or preparing for an exam, or booking a flight ticket or just a bus ticket, booking cab , buying groceries or at times we can just google things we want. Be it a question from textbooks or in our minds. Let's face the fact that therapy is not cheap. I once had a friend he told me he can listen to me talking about the chaos in my mind. And once an hour was crossed he asked me for money. I found it so absurd. And lately I have started seeing that people are ready to listen to you ranting but they will charge for it as they are giving their precious time. So nothing comes free. Lately I have started googling about things that drain my mind a lot. Then reading about those issues makes me feel like I am not alone.  But that wasn't enough it is like that I am running away from my mind. So I try to keep myself busy. A spare minute means a wave of negativity coming towards to wash away all my strength that has been holding me.

I give tuitions So in spite of being from the same class I call every child separately and at different times just to keep myself busy. A child comes at 6:30 in the morning then after tutoring him I rush to another place for tuitions. After that gets over I come home running because then comes another child. After him I take bath and post that I eat breakfast. Then I open my books and whenever a negative thought struck me I shake my head so wildly that It starts aching. I try hard to study if it still bothers me then I take out my laptop and start writing on Candle monk. If still it doesn't help I eat something just to divert my mind of I start dancing then comes another student. I teach him and that helps I go to to gym after that. That really helps. Because seeing a lot of people there focusing on their bodies make me to concentrate on myself. After that I come home all tired dying to lie down on my bed but I play with my dog just to tire myself more so that when I sleep at night my thoughts doesn't keep me awake. But then comes another student around 8PM in the evening. An hour of tuition to him then dinner then I sleep. Still my I dream of all those things I was running away from. It is a vicious cycle. Just to keep myself sane otherwise I will go mad and won't be able to get out of bed. I fear that the most.