Our lives are full of accomplishments and potential for fulfillment, but we are afflicted by a basic wound that prevents us from becoming the people.

We don't know who we are. Of sure, we can recollect the elements of our biographies.

We're unsure about two things in particular: our worth and our own ideas and judgments.

When we don't know who we are, we have trouble coping with ridicule or adulation. Even if others think we're useless or dreadful, nothing in us will stop us from eating their judgments whole, no matter how erroneous, harsh, or rude they are.

In this case, the public will judge us helpless. The question of what we deserve will never stop us from looking within.

In the absence of an independent verdict, we may be overly eager for external approval: audience applauding will count far more than it should.

We'll succumb to the temptation of following the crowd's lead. To gain popular popularity, we may be tempted to laugh at bad jokes, blindly adopt undesirable values, and disregard our genuine talents.

We will blindly follow the world's whims rather than relying on our own inner barometer to determine what we should want, feel, and value.

We must be kind to ourselves. Nobody is born knowing their own identity. Our identities are constructed when someone else studies us with great care and kindness, then plays us back in a way that makes sense.

And which we can then mimic during our formative years. They begin to depict our true identity, which we will develop and refine over time.

And which we will utilize to defend against rushed or malicious verdicts. Knowing one's own identity is the outcome of someone else knowing it from the start.

It is typically characterized by seemingly harmless but life-saving little moves. It must have hurt a lot,' a parent may say to an upset youngster, validating their sentiments.

"It's OK to not be pleased on your birthday," a parent would say. "The infant's less usual attitude to some situations is sensitively upheld."

In an ideal case, the child is not only recognized but also liked. Good parents are always ready to put a positive spin on a child's bad moods or failures.

This builds a strong basis for the child's self-esteem. That's great, but it can — and often does — go tragically wrong.