Compare and Despair Syndrome (Part 2)

In the previous blog (click here to read), we discussed the compare and despair trap/syndrome. Today we shall look upon how to come out of it. Before we ponder the steps to destroy the compare and despair trap, read the following story.

One day, a student went to his Zen Master and asked, ‘Master, you said that understanding my true nature is the key to enlightenment. But how do I do that?' 
Master replied, ‘You have to take back the power to decide who you are?’ 
Confused, the student asked again, ‘How is that?’
Master replied, 'One person will tell you that you are bad. You feel upset. Another will tell you that you are good. Then you feel elated. Now understand this 
People can either praise you or berate you.
They can either love you or hate you.
They can choose to trust you or betray you. 
While they have the power to decide who you are, you will never find yourself. Take that power back. Then you shall find what you seek.'

This story points us to the core issue of compare and despair syndrome- seeking validation from others and keeping that to understand and underestimate us. The following tips might help you to break free from this toxic behaviour. 

1. Understand the reason. 
   Asking ‘whys’ and finding the answers are the two key steps to solve all problems in life. The next time when you see yourself comparing your life with your friends' life, slow down and ask ‘why’. The answer will either let you free or lead to another question. Keep questioning until you find the core reason. 
    
2. Acknowledge and Accept 
   Acknowledge the reason you found out. The reason is neither your weakness nor your defect. But is the trail that you should follow to find yourself. Accept it. Embrace it. For it shall show you how to be at peace with your insecurities. 
    
3. Count your blessings
   We are so busy that we often forget to notice the many great things life offers us. But the funny thing is we seemed to be so vigilant of the things that we don't have. So, take a notebook and pen and list down all the things you are grateful for. Do it regularly to know all the blessings in your life.
    
4. Be of service
   We have only limited time on the earth. So let us help each other and make this life worthwhile. While the compare and despair trap makes us think ill of others, this is the exact opposite to it. We help others without expecting anything in return. Do it no matter how hard it feels at the moment. 
    
5. Self-love
   We have already talked so much about self-love in previous blogs. It turns out that all the self-destructive thoughts and toxic behaviour have only one possible solution; Self-love. As the master said, take back the power to decide who you are. Be the master of your life and destiny.

We are normal human beings. It is in our nature to compare and make amendments so that we perform well. We cannot eliminate this habit, but we can always keep it in check. Don't let it overpower your self-confidence. There is a quote by Dalai Lama that has kept me through all the hardships in life, remember this quote whenever you feel trapped in the loop of compare and despair syndrome. 

And one more thing, we only see the part of their life which they choose to show us. So there is absolutely no point in worrying about thinking that their life is better than ours. Who knows, maybe they are also doing the same. 

Be normal. 
Be ordinary. 
Be average. 
And be proud of being so.