Yes, that was the time when I was in the dire need of your shoulder to lean and cry. I know it is not always about me, but definitely sometimes it is about me with you, a little expectation I still carried then when I texted about the sad demise. I don't know whether you have read it or not because there is no reply yet. 

I guess you know enough about me and my persona,  and about the then situation being 2000 km from my home in your city. There was funeral in home, and I was going through hell completely petrified ,away from home and missing the family members and especially Ammi.  I couldn't take flight to home because of my own situation that I wasn't in my own consciousness and strong enough to travel more than 10 hour journey to my state capital followed by 6 hour journey to the home. Besides someone has to come to pick up me, so practically it wasn't possible for someone to come and pick up me from the airport leaving behind the ongoing funeral  amid pandemic when daily cases were three lakh plus. It was a complete chaos.

Finally I came home after few days. Trust me , it was so tragic for me to be home after few days and face the family. The situation was so that I couldn't even cry in front of them and things were boiling too much in my heart and brain. Nights were restless and I became listless, completely cut off from everybody. No face to face conversation or virtual conversation. 

Death is very ugly , it has it's own ugly violent face that everyone has to go through. And this is the moment when we are in actual need of someone who could console you with their words or act or at least by lending their shoulder to cry and giving you enough space to breathe and fight the fragileness of your then mental and emotional state.

I know things haven't been good between us since December 2019. I tried enough to make us work and settle things to normal but I failed rather we failed. I am not blaming you for anything. I know you did your best but it's our bad luck that I would say.  Whatever has happened , has happened .  There is no good by digging  the past. It's ok that you don't respond to my e-mail, call or texts. 
 

But it wasn't okey when you didn't respond to the demise text with a  small word “condolences”.  I can understand in the given situation , it might not have been possible for you to travel 100 Km and meet me. But you could have made a call and talked to me then, right? You could have texted “My condolences to you and your family, be strong”.

I was all alone in your city, the city which I love more than my own home town.

Yes, I was in the dire need of a shoulder to lean and cry.

Yes, I wanted someone to hug and console me.

Friends and acquaintances were around but  I was in the grave need of you then.