Sometimes you’ll have to leave your Mum’s soft hand that’s gripping yours and go with a complete stranger, this other lady who seems to have a bright smile. Teacher, they call her. It’ll be torture turning back while the nice lady is escorting you indoors, holding onto your chubby little fist, looking at your parents, dad holding mum by her side, tears rolling down her cheeks. For you’ll see them again, it wasn’t what you thought at all, they weren’t abandoning you. Besides, look at how many new friends you made. And believe me when I say it, that girl who helped you get up after you fell at the playground, she’s a keeper. She’s going to be your ride-or-die for life. Trust me.
Cause, now, I know.
Sometimes you’ll have to accept the loss of your loved ones. I know how much Angie meant to you. You still remember the day your day surprised you on Christmas, with a furry brown tail that wagged in delight, on seeing you come squealing down the stairs. The moment her melting chocolate brown eyes met yours, you both knew. It was love at first sight for both. You’ll miss her now that she’s gone. But also, you’re relieved she won’t be in pain anymore. The doctor did assure you that, while she brought out that big needle and injected Angie. She has gone to a Happy Place now. Trust me.
Cause, now, I know.
Some days, you just feel very drained, sad for no reason. Why am I feeling so emotional? I had a great day at school otherwise. Am I nervous about that big test on Saturday? Is that what this is about? Next day you wake up and there it is. A big red splotch. Am I dying? Did some insect bite me while I was sleeping? In tears you run to your Mum, and tell her something’s wrong with you. You’re shocked and even a bit annoyed while she starts laughing . Hugging you close, she welcomes you to ‘Womanhood’, explaining you everything as your 11-year-old mind tries to wrap your head around this new thing. This new exciting thing that has suddenly happened to you and would be a ‘Monthly Guest’ for the next 30 or more years to come. Believe me, it won’t be a party. Some days would go by in a flash. And, Some days, you’ll feel bloated, irritable and a huge emotional mess. But you’ll survive. It’ll be okay.
Cause, now, I know.
Sometimes, you’ll feel as if there is no reason to live anymore. You have no purpose in life. No one loves you. You just had your first heartbreak. How could he do that, after everything you both have gone through together? Did he not love me as much as I loved him? You’ll feel stupid for wearing your heart on your sleeve, you’ll feel betrayed ,snubbed and pissed. But then, you’ll look at your parents. How seeing their chirpy little angel be reduced to nothing but a pile of emotions, has been a torture for them. They wish they could help you, but don’t know whether it is even their place. Your mum, ordering in and making you your favorite meals, almost every day of the week, while dad, going out of his way, to be extra funny around you. Trying to bring a smile on your tear-soaked face. Listen to me when I say, this won’t be your only heartbreak. But over time, you’ll cope up. You’ll know when its real, when the time is right, for you, and for him. And it would align just how you’ve always wanted.
Cause, now, I know.
You’ll grow up. Where did the years go by? You’ll be anxious, nervous regarding exams, finding the right college, the right career path for you, that would be fulfilling as well as rewarding, scared when everyone else you know is getting married or having kids, and here you are, still trying to figure out life. How are they ready? Did they grow up differently or did I not mature fast enough? You’ll be shocked and agitated when you get a first-hand experience with patriarchy. The gender bias, the sleazy glances at work and on the streets, preferential treatment due to no fault of yours, and so many other instances which would really drive you crazy. But then, you’ll breathe, and let it all go. Let life take it’s own course. And everything would be okay. The way it always does.
Cause, now, I know.
