For once, I want my mind to shut down and my heart to slow down. I know in my mind, you aren't coming back. Not now, not later. It's my heart that disagrees. It always hopes for a text, or a call in the block log. You are in the block list of my phone and my mind, but my heart doesn't know. I don't matter to you anymore; in my mind, you don't matter to me anymore too. But again, it's the heart… that disagrees. 

For once, I want my mind to stop rejecting you and my heart to stop wanting you. I want my mind to stop picking out the shallow promises you made, to prove my heart that they did not make sense. I want my heart to just accept that they actually made no sense at all because they were mere words for you, and nothing else.

I wish my heart stops going back to the time you were mine. Thinking about all the happy times we had, makes my heart want you more but disturbs my mind. 

I wish my mind stops reminding myself that the time you were mine, is gone. You aren't mine anymore. Because no matter how strong my mind wants me to be, my heart just doesn't agree. 

My heart keeps yelling that you cared for me like nobody else and my mind doesn't stop mocking me for how you left. Every memory haunts me. My mind just doesn't want you back anymore but my heart is needy. As little trigger as your name, gets my mind and heart to fight. And I want them to go numb - even for the greatest triggers, one day. 

Maybe one day, my heart will stop checking for you. One day, my mind will stop taunting that I loved you. I don't know if I want that day or I want you to come back, mysteriously. You have completely removed me off your mind and heart but mine are still fighting. Maybe one day, they'll unite and bowl you out, once and for all.

For once, I want this debate to end. The truth is… the person that my heart wants, is also that my mind would accept. But he doesn't exist anymore. That person was killed by your indecisiveness long before my heart broke. Otherwise, he wouldn't have let it get broken. 

I just have to keep waiting till the day my mind shuts off and my heart slows down, for once. 

Sp.