You know that it's for you, that's the whole purpose of this whole d#mn blog. I thought I won't come here to express myself ever again but after reading all of that I have to write because no matter how bad I try you may always misunderstand some things or perceived it in a wrong way. And once again I will have to be careful about what I write because I never know what may get misunderstood in a different way than its intention. 

If possible put aside everything that makes you taking things as an attack instead of considering the depth of it. 

So let's start with something I wanted to ask before you did whatever you have done. 

Just for a moment, put yourself in my place. We both know very well where we come from and what we have been through and what makes us what we are. So put yourself in my position as person who gave up on the hope to find a person he may belong and feel loved again. That person becomes your only home and place where you go to no matter what. You don't have people you can sit with and talk things out but that person is everything you have. And suddenly they start distancing them from you and you have no idea why. It bothers you a lot. Hurts you a lot and you still stick there and hold on to it because you understand that there are reasons and as soon as possible they will come back to you. But even if they do, they are barely there with you, and then start ghosting, intentional or unintentional, they start avoiding you. They are the same person who used to find every possible ways to be with you and they are now barely coming to you and tell you if they were missing you or anything. 

Put yourself there love, because for once I want you to switch places and feel everything I was feeling. Do you think it was easy? Do you think I was okay with it? Do you think I was just fine thinking it doesn't matter? Ask yourself Muskan, how you would have felt if it was me withdrawing myself from you, if it was me who would be barely there with you, if it was me who would have stop expressing himself. And truely ask yourself how you might have felt?  

For more than a month I am keeping patience and just a hope of you returning to me as you used to be and then we would fix everything. Every relationship requires communication to understand things in their true form, without communication whatever you think or believe are barely your assumptions (don't take it as an attack, read further)… those are assumptions because another person never got his chance to make you understand and tell you things that were actually true. 

Whatever you are trying to do is not good even you think it is. Because what you believe if hurting someone once badly knowing at the end it is good for them is completely wrong because why doing what you are doing is just hurting me even more and breaking me apart and no part of this is close to any good for me. You can't just hurt someone who loves you unconditionally and is there for you no matter how bad things get. And what you call obsession is not F#UCKING OBSESSION but it's their willingness to be STUBBORN about you. It's my stubbornness to holding on to you and the willingness to never give up on you. Ever think of it like that? 

I am there for you because I am passionate about you and there's difference between being passionate and being obsessed. You just don't see what it really is and only if you could see it as it is and embrace it then you will understand how true and pure it is. When someone is there and they love you for every atom of their existence then it's called passion and not obsession and I have said it many times but only if you could be willing to see things differently.

You were supposed to hold on to me instead of doing whatever that you think you are doing. No part of it makes any sense because It's hurting me just more and I am stubborn enough to not give up. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY and without communication you said and believe so many things and sorry to say but I understand how you think and feel and that's why I am here writing this. For once think about me and put yourself in my place and see how much I want and need you to be with me instead of doing this. 

How am I supposed to understand anything if I don't know what I have to understand? You can't just decide and cut it off like it mean nothing. No matter now mean you behave I still can't stop holding on to thing you said and promised and even if you may deny them, I will stick to them because I know you mean everything. Do not believe everything that's not true. I am here, writing this, whatever we have ever said and expressed is the truth because that was communicated. 

I am waiting and will be waiting because I know in the end you return where you belong.

One more thing I will not stop reaching out to you because I am going to respect your words and wishes because more than enough time you have told me to not give up on you no matter how bad things may get. You have told me to hold on to you because you said sometimes you get more than difficult and you may do things you don't mean. You have told me to not leave you and I promised you that so I am going to stay. When your mind will get clear and you will be able to see things more clearly maybe that's when you will understand my worth and importance and will be grateful for it, until then I will do what you have believed me to do. 

I am very doubtful about calls and I have no idea if my texts messages even reach to you (or else you wouldn't have unblocked my number) I will keep trying texts, calls or anything that's possible because you have told me to hold on to you like that. I will keep coming back to you because that's what you have told me to do. Call me a fool but I am no player who will give up on you and walk away to find someone else. If there's something I am proud of myself then that's my honesty and loyalty and choosing and trusting you with my love. So I won't stop trying. ( It's called how bad someone respects you, value you and wants you and not obsession. See the difference?) I wish I could make you see things other way around but my love, I BELONG TO YOU. 

Take a breath and seriously see what you have already got! I am sure some people might be praying for something like this, someone who never gives up on them, and someone who is dedicated, loyal and passionate. Don't let those dark thoughts influence you because the only truth thay there can ever be is everything that we mutually discuss and share and not what we believe to be the case. I have hundreds of such things, I will put them here someday and you will be so shocked to know them, but guess what? I don't believe any of them because they are not true because there's no evidence to prove it and they can only be true if you will agree of them too but unfortunately I don't give those thoughts much importance because considering you there are many good to believe in. And I want you to go back to days when we shared and expressed those things and you will know what I mean. Don't let those one sided dark thoughts (not calling them truth) affect you, if there's someone who can help you see things clearly it's me and see? I am doing it. Because I would have stop caring I wouldn't have been here.  If possible just try find a way to talk over a goof long call and you will be surprised to know the actual things, there are so many things that get messed up because they don't get delivered the way they should be, call can help us both to make things clear. 

Go back to everything we ever expressed and confessed, you will find truth and answers there. 

Until next time,

Your and yours only.