I am a "love impossible" type of a girl.

I do believe in love but its just I can't fall in love.

I do write about “ love at first sight, feelings of love, one sided love” 

But I know love is not my cup of tea.

I feel to be in love with someone you have to be gutsy, daring and bold. I mean obviously taking decision to spent an entire life with someone does take a lot of pain in the ass. And just to make it very clear it's not that I'm not interested or I'm not straight but I feel I'm not lucky enough to experience love.

I feel privileged to have a family and a beautiful one but beyond it.. Can't see anyone worth loving.

I can't imagine myself to be in love.

And to prove my statement, there is an instance which makes my points valid.

I met a guy at one of my brother's wedding and kind of actually liked the guy. This was the first time in my entire life that I genuinely felt for a guy and that too in just two days of meeting him or to be very precise just "looking" him. Whenever our eyes used to meet, I felt as if nobody is around me... And its just me and him like a perfect Bollywood scene.

And for a girl like me experiencing such stuff was definitely "impossible".  But guess what???... Me being me.. Back then I thought that its just a crush so let I should let it go.

And it's been four years now, I still sometimes think about this guy tho ik it's too late now. So the moral of the bloody entire story is I missed the opportunity to be with one person I liked. I didn't had the guts to even think that I might like this guy.

I really didn't knew what the hell was the problem with me back then? I was so hesitant and shy to even talk to that person. But now as the time passed by... I realised one thing about me it's "you just can't fall in love " scene with me. So why even try and hurting the other person. I mean is there any point to be with someone untill and unless you feel to be with someone ?

And Now that I know what I'm capable of, I am happy at my space. I'm a complicated rubik cube and I feel it's not easy to solve it through. But I don't know maybe in future or I hope to find someone with whom i can share my life with but until then it's "love impossible" for me.

#candlemonk #thoughts #lifelessons #soulsearching #feels#inspiration #love #search #diary #blog #blogger #realstory

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