So, in my last blog i told you about my new job, people around me having new faces and many things that going to happen without having any worth now.

But what I don't tell is the "loop". I just choose a job, that pays me well in terms of money but not in terms of satisfaction. The job, I chose flips my life up side down. Before this job Worked for something, I love to do, my potential recognised by my colleagues but now the field I chose makes me a noob guy, who asked everything, spoon feeded with every basic detail. I left my previous job where I was full of skills with kess pay but now in my current profile I make mistakes, apologising for every mistake that I made, and at the same time cursing myself for such a bad decision for leaving my previous job.

As time passes by, my swinging between the confusion of earning well in completely  new field by leaving my existing skill or polish my skill that I have in my previous job, fasten over and over.

And when you are in this type of dilemma, the number of times you are trying to solve the situation you get caught and destroy yourself, in my case this is true but for ohers , I don't know.

By solving the dilemma I caught by a thought that even right and wrong has limits and after certain limts, it makes no sense whether you are right or wrong. Example, sometimes our closed one are wrong but still we stand beside them. I told you becuase I knew, I placed myself in wrong job but I can't resign coz it hurts my dear one, but in contrary they never told me that "if it doesnt suits you leave it".

So I just keep my head down, balancing between the job and expectations of family, apologizing for mistakes and wiping off the thoughts that hits my mind again and again.

I have divided into many pieces for everyone but have no peace in my life.

This is the self destruction part of me. To mourn over my destruction, I just spent time with my friends just to talk even after 9 hours of blood sucking job. I leave for job early morning and come late after cremating every thought that tells me leave everything behind and run to find yourself and pursue for whatever you want.