Motherhood comes after crossing nine months of pregnancy. Its most awaited time for a couple and when it knocks life, everything go upside down. After few issues while conception and resigning from my job in middle of pregnancy, I thought I would spend at least 1 year with my baby and will enjoy this time period and there is no doubt about it. I fully enjoyed this period with my lovely and happy baby. At the same time, I would say its a roller coaster ride, it comes with bunch of mixed feelings. After every few days I used to miss my job, office, my freedom, my previous body, my friends, my outings and many more. Somewhere back of the mind I am confused that whether I was happy or just pretending to be.

Playing, cuddling and spending quality time with baby is one part of life and the other part is my career, my independence and I am not sure about it whether I would be able to resume or not till date.  Many of my friends had also taken break from their career and they seemed to be happy in this motherhood zone, this made me feel more guilt about my thoughts. I felt postpartum depression which many of females are not even aware of and when I shared with few, they literally laughed on me stating what 'partum depression'.

I was always clear with the fact that I have to resume my career so thought of conscious parenting  rather than traditional one like making baby's habit of sleeping in baby crib, giving him free hand to play instead of keeping him in lap always, letting him explore whatever he wants to in terms of food and other things. Adopting conscious parenting is not that easy because one needs to keep emotions aside many time and think practically and also comes with lot of judgements and strange opinions from old generations. My mum dint like the idea of making him sleep in crib and let him eat by his own & creating mess.

Now he is 2.3 and I am very happy that adopting conscious parenting has helped me in making him independent. He goes and sleeps on his bed by his own(btw crib is aside my bed), he eats by his own and knows where his clothes are and he selects his clothes as well. I find him more active and more aware than other kids of his age.

Though I could not resume my job due to pandemic and I dint want to leave him with any help. Also I am waiting for right opportunity to come across. 

At the end I would say, motherhood has given me lot many moments and memories to cherish my whole life. Also this has given me more power and confidence to take decisions wisely. Now I realize if I would have not given these 2 years to my kid when he needed me the most I have been in more guilt.

With this I am signing off with a short message to all mothers out there, Don't feel bad if you think about yourself or your career after being mother because that's also important as that is our identity