It's 3 in the morning, light hasn't popped out and dark hasn't left yet, as if the day was stuck between yesterday and tomorrow. I was lying on my bed, waiting for sleep to wrap me in its arms. But I guess it no more wanted me and why would it even, lately I had wrapped myself in its arms a lot. When the lockdown was announced for the second time, I knew I could survive it easily rather thought would survive it much better than the last time. Also somewhere down I thought this time it wouldn't be for a long time. 

The first few days were amazing, went exactly the way I had planned. Aah! the super productive days of my life…

The next few days were a little less productive but I managed it. 

By the end of the week, I knew something was not right, a sense of guilt started hovering in my mind. A pang of guilt about how tons of people are dying, losing their livelihoods again! and I am being happy for just being productive? But I told myself, “There is nothing bad about being proud of small things.”

In the next few days, that pang of guilt turned into a deep hollow sitting on my mind and heart, telling me to stop doing everything. I tried to fight it but I guess it won, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this right? 

It's 12 pm in the afternoon and I am still lying on my bed thinking about the year 2019 when times were simpler. How stupid we were to think that those were the struggling years of our life. I am no more able to finish my planned goals, my brain is exhausted and my body feels numb. My heart feels guilty of the reasons which are unknown to me. I want to get out of this but I don't know how to just like I have forgotten the word “normal”. 

It's 10 at night, now the room is dark the walls look different and everything around me seems colourless and I am still lying on my bed. But now it is getting difficult to breathe, I am scared my hands and legs are trembling in fear. I want to scream but in my voice, no one can hear it, not even me.

I know it's the virus which is dancing on my fears but which one? The one inside my body or the one inside my mind?