When I was entering into the car, he was smiling ear to ear. My heart which was beating aloud went numb for a second. It felt like reaching home. A safe place where you belong.

I was trying to settle down and suddenly he gave me flowers out of nowhere. All of a sudden, the world around me stood still. Its just him and the flowers. Like a fairytale. Background was all yellow and bright. Birds were singing. Trees were whirling. Stars were smiling.

I was stuck for a moment not knowing what to do. What it could be? A moment of relief, that the day you dreamt of finally came true? Or could it be a realisation of the comfortness and happiness? Or it could be just the presence of him.

He intertwined his fingers with mine. It was so cold. And slowly the warmth of my hands took over the coldness. My hand was like a pebble in a pond inside his hands. That was a relief actually. I could feel the tenderness inside. The warmth of love and care. Of empathy and support. 

I was just sitting there like a child bewitched by the enchanting fragrance of magic potion. Everytime I look at him, I saw the shining stars in his eyes. The not-so-bright smile that come and go, around the corner of his lips at the end of each word I said. Sometimes it was hard for me to complete a word, all stammering, making it long and long, counting the time left. This was my first time, but it felt like I've been doing it for an eternity. I wanted to pat his head so badly for taking the effort, but I didn't. Instead I just did it in my mind.

Finally the time is up. The happiness that tagged along with us until now just disappeared into the thin air. Its the silence that remained. I could sense the desperate eyes falling on me. So am I. But no, if I looked into his eyes one more time, I'm sure that I'll do something to regret later. He kept telling me not to go. I said “I can come back if I go now”. I think is the most sensible answer I've given to someone in a while. 

The moment he left, there was an emptiness all over my heart. All the happiness, fun, contentment, everything vanished in a second. Now its only me and the memories.

20-07-2021