Ever wanted to finally wake up one day to find your parents brooding over you with a serious face and tell you “We're not poor son, we were just living this life to teach you humility. We're actually rich"? Well trust me I know that feeling. The feeling where you have to be grateful for what you've got since there are people who are deprived of those and at the same time its wrong to wish for a luxurious life you see your friends living every day. You whine and complain about your parents to your friends for how they don't get you what you want and how they never care about your feelings but then, you grow up to understand the look on your parents face when you ask them something that they can't give you. Their eyes screaming in self hate that they can't provide for their own kid. And to avoid making them feel this way, you start hiding your needs and bury your peer pressure. But is that an easy thing to do? Hell nah! Constantly being intimidated by people who have what you want increases the self hatred in your heart about the social unjust. The guy who has everything you need isn't even worthy of those. He has no idea about the troubles and humiliation you've encountered yet you're deprived of those things where else he's handed those over in a silver platter. This really makes you think. “How is he better than me? What has he done other than being born in a rich family? How is this fair?” And here he starts to hate the entire social structure. He resents the rich, including people who are rich due to their own self work as he doesn't know to differentiate between the two. All he see's are “rich” and “poor”. And he is poor. Which makes him rebel against the rich. He starts blaming everything on the rich and leaves opportunities that he could have used to better his life. But what really comes out of it? Nothing. Just a failed young man who was intimidated by material possessions and a society that constantly reminded of his bad luck.
He doesn't have a lot of friends. He just knows a lot of people. Everyone knows about him but no one really cares. He's constantly left out, teased, avoided and backstabbed despite the fact that he gives everyone around him his best. He tries to be a good friend. He tries to be there for others. but at the end. He isn't just important enough. But why? Is it because he doesn't constantly take out his friends? Is it because he doesn't have powerful connections? Maybe. Maybe not. And while he overthinking about all of this, he loses the remaining set of people who looked up on him. The world grows colder and colder on him and he has no idea what to do. He falls into self destructing habits that give him momentary peace and eventually gets addicted. His self loathing transforms into hatred. People close to him start hating and resenting him which make him fall deeper into the abyss.
Finally a day comes where he starts to self realize. “Where did it all go wrong?” But he can't come up with an answer. Everything feels wrong but why? Well, most of us aren't really gifted with that answer. And so the war goes on. Mind and heart constantly killing us while we barely make a living from running the capitalistic 9-5 rat race.
Well anyways. That's life right?
