What is marriage? Is marriage a choice or societal norm that we are barged to follow? Are same-sex marriages acceptable in a culture like India? If you aren't happy, is it okay to leave rather than compromising every single day of your life? On what grounds does society accept divorce? What makes a marriage successful?

With an abundant number of questions related to a single word, let's unfold the problem gradually.

What is marriage? 

According to the most searched definition, it states a union of two people which unites them legally, socially, emotionally and economically. The rituals and traditions of marriages differ from one culture to another. Billions of individuals have their little scenario of marriage, and it ultimately defines the convergence of two individuals. Still, adding broader explication to it, it's an everyday choice that an individual makes to stay in marriage despite all the distractions followed. It is a choice to love, the decision to remain faithful and committed. It's a choice to show an equal amount of respect to the other individual. It's a choice where two individuals equally participate in each other's growth. The day one of the two stops making a choice, the marriage will gradually start to fall off. 

There isn't any proven formula, written manual, stated definition or research paper for a successful marriage; each marriage is different from another. Because it's about the two divergent individuals choosing to work it out. It is one's determination and willingness to win the struggles that marriages bring along.

In a society like India, marriages are forced to be seen as an ending milestone. The community barges us to believe that for a happy life, one needs the dependency of marriage, which may be valid for a few and may not work for the other half of the population. We are forced to believe; one needs to graduate and adhere to a reputed profession to have a successful marriage. Seriously are those the criteria one should look upon before having the willingness to spend their whole life with someone else? Are marriages even a choice for an individual or just another societal norm? 

 Throwing the light on same-sex marriage, again isn't it the choice of an individual with whom they want to spend their entire life regardless of gender. But again same-sex marriage is seen as a taboo in our society. Suddenly the holy concept of marriage and unification of two souls into one becomes a dreadful activity if it's same-sex marriage. I would be wrong to say the society hasn't been evolving, it definitely has, but still, the choice of marriage depends on an individual and not the society. If one finds comfort in the same gender, it shouldn't be considered wrong to marry them and be happy with them.

How good is a marriage? Are compromises always necessary?

Marriages are one of the most beautiful experiences in one's life. It's a deal of falling in love with the same person until death does them apart. But for once, let us talk about marriages with domestic violence or marital rape, or the marriages where one of the spouses lose their own freedom and compromises on their career. Doing the everyday household chores aren't a gender role, it's a basic necessity and even today as a society if we limit marriage to females and their gender roles into household chores and not encourage them to have a prominent career we haven't evolved. We are just fleeing the idea of modernisation not inculcating it.

Sex or having sexual intimacy is an integral part of any relationship. Sex is a wonderful feeling as well as a way to communicate your love towards your spouse. Research proves couples who have sex frequently are happier than those who don't. But under no circumstances, it's acceptable to tolerate domestic violence or even marital rape. No such compromises are also primary acceptable. One spouse should be able to respect the sexuality and the individualism of the other in each and every scenario. 

Is it fair to stay in a marriage where one spouse continuously cheats the other one and seldomly destroys their trust into millions of fractions for irrational reasons as such- I am not satisfied or I was under pressure, I wasn't thinking straight? Is it okay to stay in such a marriage for the sake of it? It's not; it’s not okay to put your self-esteem under such destructive and torturous methods. It's okay to leave because you aren't getting the loyalty and affection that comes with marriage.

If a marriage is about one spouse compromising his/her entire life goal, then it isn't anywhere near too successful. Marriage is a basis of respect and freedom where one could evolve and grow together, not all your happiness needs to be related to your spouse, it may come from different places or even people but, significantly, your spouse should understand it as well withhold it.

Why do people/individuals marry?

We, humans, are social animals. It's not only hard but almost impossible to spend our entire lives in isolation. We as humans seek validation, loyalty, dependency, love and intimacy. The bigger question isn't why do individuals marry, but why do we marry that one particular individual. Having deeper thoughts about it, it all reciprocates to having a human to share your dreams and aspirations with. To have an individual with whom you could ultimately grow your family and come home and eventually grow old until death is knocking on your doorstep. To be there in sickness and in health.

What makes a marriage successful?

There aren't any proven criteria to measure the success of marriage, but it vaguely depends on the various factors which cater to the needs of two individuals. In a society and culture like India, where divorce rates are as low as 1.1% does not signify that arrange marriage is the correct choice, nor does it state that love marriages do fail. In fact, both ways the marriages could go wrong. 

But both types of marriages could fail, if they lack the essential criteria of being in love with each other, no proven thesis shows arranged marriages are more successful than love or vice versa.

For a successful marriage what is required is hard work to make it through the struggles, the commitment to love the one person until death, the loyalty despite thousands of aspiring distractions, the willingness to grow and stay as a family, the freedom of choice and the ability to respect your spouse for the human they are, it takes persistency to give your spouse the space they need, it's about not losing one individualism in the whole process of marriage, it's about sharing the little moments in the daily lives, it's about finding happiness in the regularity, it's about choosing to love that one human every day of your life, it's about realising each one of us are flawed and loving them for that too, it's about encouraging the other one to do better each day in their life. It's about being in love.

Marriages define love, passion and growth. Marriages aren't tales but a nurturing, compassionate and forgiving lifelong relationship. We should stop defining marriages as a constant battlefield and let the two people decide who is in it, whether it grows for them or not. A marriage if handled correctly, would not only bring you a life full of happiness and love but also let you live in peace within yourself.