When Taylor said "he wanted it comfortable I wanted that pain" that was it, that was exactly it.

We are such insignificant beings on such an insignificant speck of dust just floating through vacuum and one day we won't exist anymore. And our existence won't even be a blip in the grand scheme of things.

So what am I waiting for?

I want to feel things, I want to feel people and want to know their feelings for me.

I want to have a rush of emotion when I see your face or when my phone rings with a message from you. I want to feel what it is like to be loved by someone so deeply that even the smallest thing brings joy or sadness or elation or anger into my heart within a second.

I'm not here to be simple and to want simple things in life. I want to be blown away, I want to be mesmerised, I want to smell the rain as it falls on to the wet sand, i want to run through the autumn leaves and feel the crunch underneath my feet, I want to dive off a cliff and feel my body in free fall.

I want to feel every emotion there is to feel.

The good more than the bad but if there is bad then you know what?

I will take it.

There is too much for me to be and just not enough me, and I can't let go of my dreams, time just passes us by in the blink of an eye and I will not stay the same just so that you don't have to change.

I just cannot sit here and wait for life to happen to me, so yes I might be untethered, I might be unhinged, I might be deranged, but atleast I am something. Even if it is something weird. Something strange, very strange.

And maybe that is not something you can handle, maybe it is not something you are made for, but this life and what is left of it is all I have, and I have too many things to do than to sit here and wait for you.

We may have been perfect but perfect is just not at the top of my list. It is not just about being perfect, but way more than that. Hope you'll get it soon.