There are two different type of people in this world: One who are excited about festivals like diwali and the others don't know what to feel. It is complete strange how happiness comes easy to some people. Either for some, it is the hardest thing in the world.

i) When I was seven. Dad and I used to buy fireworks for diwali. I came back with a huge smile on my face. The night went by. I am in my twenties now, dad and I have not talked in weeks or months. Plus fireworks don't make me happy anymore.

ii) When I was thirteen. I kept looking at the phone screen. I don't know what is it between us, but I like talking to him. He sent me a text message on my mom's phone. It read, "Happy Diwali." I smiled. A smaller smile but I smiled. At least, I could smile.

iii) When I was fifteen. He left school that year. We haven't been in touch since then. I text him, "happy diwali," this time. And I waited for his reply. Seven diwalis have passed by, and I'm still waiting. My friends and I are burning crackers on our terrace. Although cold winds make it a little difficult, but we manage.

iv) When I am eighteen. The school is over now. I am sitting in my balcony and it is a different city now. My friends, he, dad, everything seems like it was years ago I have seen them. I hear my mom's crackling voice through the phone, se says, "happy diwali, beta." I smile. May be the smallest one my cheeks would let me have and wee talk for a while until she disconnects the call.

v) I am twenty-two now. It's little sad how the people you share your happy moments keep changing every year. I don't like diwali anymore. I think about those people who should've stayed, those who told me that they'd stay.

I'm sitting in my balcony listening to my fav song on low volume and looking at the sky, wondering if there is a kid somewhere far away, who went to the market with her dad and smiled the brightest or there's a kid smiling at a text message.

Diwali is celebrated on the darkest day of the month and growing up was realizing it can't be a coincidence. I close my eyes. I'll miss some people more than I should.