Why do we keep going to same place or person over and over again? i m guilty of this, I have told him and myself so many times that i m done, the had enough but after sometime it feels like i could have done more i could have fought harder. Why does this feeling of being done doesn't last? Why does that feeling of clarity only lasts for short period?

i want to walk away from him with the feeling that i have done everything in my power to make circumstances better. And in that moment when you have made peace with the fact that nothing more can be done you feel free, it isn't your problem anymore But you are scared sooner or later that feeling of incompetence and guilt of walking away is going to creep in at any moment. I don't wanna experience that feeling of guilt because i have done everything that was in my power to make it work. Should you stay in a situation where where you are miserable just to get out of that feeling of guilt. Walking away isn't easy neither is being left behind. But what if your walking away doesn't affect them at all would you feel guilty then. I most certainly will feel anger. To a person whom i devoted 6-7 years of my life feel unaffected by my decision to walk away or is that he think i can't do it? Or it's because i said it so many times that those words are nothing to him.

Why do we want to be missed when we leave someone behind, does their misery make us feel validated in our messed up ways. It could also be that we just want them to hurt like we are hurting. We all want to leave our mark behind because they left one on us. Is it wrong to want such a thing? All i want to feel is being loved and cherished and i would do the same for you but we won't take that step with me. He is ok if I leave, he doesn't mind if I stay. I am just an accessory to while he became a vital part to me. 

Why should i stay if being accessory is all i am gonna get. Or should i wait for him to change his mind about me. Do i wanna stay if all i ever gonna get is part of him while i give up my whole existence to him. Will i be able to love when he doesn't.

In the end walking away is the the only choice unless he ask me to stay.