Loving someone is choice, choice that I made. I loved him and now I am accepting it and it's refreshing even though feeling is not going to be reciprocated I am always going to love him. There are million reasons that I loved him today I am reminding myself of those.

He gave me butterflies in my stomach, my heart would skip a beat when I look at him I know we all heard that in novels and stories but man that really was it for me. I never let it be so obvious to him but I knew how mesmerized I was. He just had to look at me and I melted like wax does near the flame. He stimulated me and no one ever had that type of effect like he did. 

He used to hug me very tightly and I felt safest in his arms than I have ever been. His touch was like made for me and me only. I wanted that feeling to last forever. I wish I could hold on to it for little while longer. I was so used to him that I knew the way he knocked on my door I knew in that instant that he was there. My body reacted to that knock as if it was a reflex my heart starts going crazy, I couldn't catch my breath and I will look forward to see his face as he is the only human I ever wanna see. His touch was the only touch I wanted, I wanted nobody else just him only him. I was incapable of even thinking about other guys in that way because I just couldn't do that him and didn't even wanted to. 

I was safe with him, never had to worry that he would intentionally harm me in any way. I trusted him and that doesn't come easy to me. 

He used to make me feel special like I am the only one he sees. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the fact I had all that what went wrong. Did I do something but that's a topic that need seperate spot light may be some other time. Today I just wanna focus on the good part.

Even though nothing can change by me writing this but admitting it or you can say letting it go was important. In order to move on you have to give up both good and bad memories. I just wish I have the strength to do this.