When I started blogging here, I was very adamant that I will write my heart out here. I wanted to write about anything and everything. I wanted to give a platform to my opinions which are usually heard very little in the patriarchal society we live in. But as it seems it has become extremely difficult to manage this with the life I have, but it is ok I guess.

So why am I writing after a long time again? To vent out my pent-up frustration. Nothing is going right, nothing. I know it will one day but until that day comes, it is going to be dark. Anxiety has begun to root in again. The coming days will be very tough to handle, both physically and emotionally.

Handling Ph.d with an ongoing job is a really big task, but I am doing all I can to step out of my comfort zone and not give up on either. This is taking a lot from me but I know this will make me stronger. And eventually, new experiences will make me a stronger and a better version of myself. My current degree is the mountain I have decided to climb slowly but surely. But the job, that is some different world. I wasn't aware that version of me even existed. All my life I have been pampered and never forced to work, but this sudden change of environment is tough, to begin with. I am proud of myself to be able to get out of bed early and go through the whole week with a smile. 

After working for the whole week, I go out on the weekend. My mom gets super upset and stops talking to me. But isn't this behavior of hers the reason I prefer being out of the house? Yeah, I am pampered but scarred at the same time, the irony of being the only girl child in the family. 

I get terrified when it comes to losing people, so I don't get close to people easily. But recently the same thing happened, I wasn't prepared and still not ready to let go of another person I called my friend. But the remaining two have been my backbone. Also, LDR is the main thing killing me, don't know how much longer we'll have to wait.

I know this blog is just me crying about everything. I wrote this in the hope of the day when everything becomes better and I can finally have peaceful sleep.