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What if you are grasped by something irrelevant and completely abstract….!
What if you struggle everyday and get back to where you started….!
What if you discover… that void in your heart is irreplaceable?
What if you are crying like you have lost someone close to you, but actually, the reality is lying somewhere in the universe, too far away from your heart…..?
What if you know what you want but can’t even make the first move to get close to it…?
What if you are buried with something known yet unknown, that bursts and comes out to be like, you are in deep shit, when you cry being unconscious….!
What if you are exactly lying in your possibilities where you thought you could be someday….!
What if, that….”every morning will be a new seed of hope, being nourished to let it grow, into a beautiful tree of betterment”…. turns out to be the end, masked by your fake optimism….!
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Life has always been mean or should I say weird with me and I have no clue why!
Basically it's a fact that you always run towards the one, to some infinite level of hopes, that stands less than your chances to live a day. I know it sounds baseless and stupid for a fact that it's pretty obvious to choose the one who will genuinely claim being with you forever and not the one giving a damn about your fucking existence. But then it's the heart that decides everything and that's where the problem lies.
And that's the point. Life is always supposed to be imperfect. It allows you to make mistakes, so you know more about, the possibilities and outcomes.
People can be weird, even selfish too. Loving them can hinder your patience but at the same time, it will teach you to wait and respect their decisions. Though, it's quite often, that the end of a love story can imprint negative emotions, leaving a person completely shattered and lonely. And so, I know how hard it is to fight alone and survive till death.
Sometimes you will feel, running after a baseless human race can be exhausting. And to run away somewhere, leading your own path can be frustrating. The thing is, I have always been a non-conformist. So, following rules blindly was never an option. I believe it's way better to question, what you think isn't reliable enough, rather than regretting later.
As I was growing up, I realised, the principles I followed, were highly questionable and somehow, it's not something I would like to follow anymore, and would turn into a person, I was not meant to be!
I was taught, to be selfish, to never rely on my friends, and everyone else except "someone really close to me", were cruel and wicked. So the rule was to participate in the race, a human race, where you can't question your master and blindly follow what she says.
And I was, so tangled between the dos and donts. I never ever thought of going against of what I have always been told... never. Eventually I couldn't! I couldn't continue to be obedient and blind. I remember that phase very clearly, how I was inquisitive and vulnerable. There was a storm in my heart, a weird chaos, full of emotions, I couldn't identify, couldn't understand, where to start from and how to end it.
I started exploring myself, started questioning my actions. I started observing people I loved, what they think of me and what they say! And that changed me entirely. I realised, though she was cultivating chunks of negativity, I was still kind, loving and respectful. I couldn't stop admiring the people I loved, their good sides! I just couldn't realise what I was already feeling, what I was already loving, 'cause I was young. But as I did, I got to know, there's a world beyond my "home" that I was thinking to be the end, nothing more than that. There is pain, there's betrayal, there's love and uncountable memories, that decides your fate, where you destined to be.
So, I just want to say that, though my environment and my childhood was strictly conservative and tiresome, but eventually I became what I wanted to be, when I realised, that this would be the best thing about me, how I want to see myself. I mean look at me now.... not completely changed but changed my every bit to something new.
The conclusion is: Never stop if your life feels like "hell", continue walking through pebbles, no matter how hard it seems, until you know it's heaven.
And thank you so much for reading!
